Rachel Rises
by GrittyRe-boot
Summary: "I know you love Rachel, we all love Rachel, but sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that everything's not okay with her, and the sooner you can do that the sooner we can all move on." AU, sequel to Finn, Interrupted.
1. Prologue

**I don't usually write sequels, my attention span is way too short for that, but something about this particular alternate universe kind of stuck with me, and three members of my immediate family have struggled with mental illness and my mother recently married a fellow patient she met during a stint in the veteran's association psychiatric ward, so the subject hits pretty close to home. Since the holidays are over I think I feel safe going back to my two stories at a time ritual, but either way, St. McKinley's is almost done (expect a new chapter in the next couple of days), so here is the hopefully welcome sequel to _Finn, Interrupted_. I hope you like it as much as the original.**

He can't figure out why he's forgotten how to tie a tie, his mom taught him when he was 12 years old, and Kurt helped him perfect the art by age 16, but today his mind is blanking as he attempts to make himself look halfway decent for his interview, the most important one of his life. Well, actually the first of eleven interviews he's been on in the last three months was the most important interview of his life, but after that fell through and the others followed he's managed to make himself nervous again. PS 42 is the worst public school in the greater New York area, which would make other aspiring ninth grade History teachers run for the hills, but for Finn it just might be the perfect fit, not because he has history with troubled kids, not even because he was one himself at one point, but because the place seemed to reek of desperation, the same kind of desperation he had become familiar with, because when it came down to it, no matter how good these last few years had been for Finn Hudson, nobody wanted to hire a maniac.

His worst days still feel like a distant memory, like the scars faded to pale white slivers on the insides of his wrists, but he knows that they happened, he was reminded every time a different employer gave him that look, that "not going to happen in a million years" look.

"I still say you should lose the tie," Kurt says, entering the room. "And not just because you've apparently forgotten how they work."

"I have to wear a tie Kurt, it's a job interview," Finn sighs.

"For a teaching position at an inner city high school, they'll eat you alive if you think you're trying to be some kind of authority figure."

"I _am_ an authority figure, besides, the kids aren't going to be the ones interviewing me, Principal Bieste is."

"It's just a suggestion," Kurt says, throwing up his hands. "If it puts your mind at ease I have a good feeling about this one Finn."

"You said that about the last eleven interviews Kurt," Finn says dismissively.

"Yes but this time I'm not lying to make you feel better, trust me, I have it on good authority that PS 42 is desperate for teachers."

"Thanks for having so much faith in me," Finn says sarcastically.

"It's not you I don't have faith in," Kurt explains. "I don't have faith in them, they're so quick to judge anyone slightly unorthodox, but a little birdie told me this Bieste character is looking for the best of the best, the district brought her in to fix that place up and she's starting with a staff that's going to turn things around."

"Wait a minute Kurt, if she's looking for the best of the best then why would she even dream of bringing me in? I graduated with a B average, I've been subbing for less than a year and oh yeah, there's that whole business with me being insane."

"You're not insane Finn," Kurt says, getting to work on Finn's tie. "In fact, you're the best example of bouncing back from the worst, that's exactly what Bieste is trying to do, she's not just desperate for teachers Finn, she's desperate for great teachers."

He can't help the small smile that reaches his lips at his brother's encouragement.

"And once you get this job you and Rachel can finally get your own place," Kurt adds, making Finn's smile fall a little.

"And there it goes," Finn says.

"What?" Kurt says, shrugging.

"Okay, hot off the presses, Finn Hudson's new and improved curriculum vitae," Rachel says exuberantly as she bounces in, the crisp white resume in her hand.

"Wait, what?" Finn says, a bit panicked as he turns toward her. "What do you mean new and improved?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head off Finn," Rachel says sweetly, ruffling his hair, making him instinctively smooth it back down. "I didn't lie."

He takes the paper from her and scans it frantically. "Rachel, babe I just needed you to print it out. I didn't include this stuff for a reason."

"Why wouldn't you want them knowing about the crisis center? Or the after school program or the—

"Hospital?" Finn finishes.

"I just don't understand why you're so ashamed of your past Finn, it's a part of you," she says, stepping toward him and starting to pull at his tie, effectively ruining Kurt's careful work, apparently she agreed about the tie, but she wasn't one for gently suggesting anything. "And I honestly think the fact that you hide it is what makes those principals so skittish, you make it seem worse than it is."

"I attacked my stepfather and tried to kill myself Rachel." Finn reminds her. "It doesn't get much worse than that."

"I think she's right Finn," Kurt says, "And not just about the tie."

"Well it's not like I have time to change it now," Finn sighs. "I guess they would have found out anyway, they always do."

"Finn, you're going to do great, I know it," Rachel insists.

"And then you guys can finally get your own—

"Our own place Kurt, I know, I heard you the first forty times," Finn says, exasperatedly.

"Don't mind Kurt, Kurt and Blaine love us, don't you guys?" Rachel says sweetly.

"Well yeah, but you don't have to rub it in my face," Kurt jokes.

"Alright, time to face the music," Finn says, smoothing his hair one more time.

"Break a leg," Rachel beams.

"I love you," Finn replies, and leans down to kiss her thoroughly, but unfortunately he can't get away fast enough to keep her from mussing his hair again.

"Rachel," he sighs, reaching up to fix it.

"No!" she says firmly, swatting his hand away. "Don't you dare Finn Hudson."

"Thank you, I officially look like a hobo," Finn says, sliding his resume into his satchel and kissing a giggling Rachel one last time before leaving the apartment.

It was almost a year ago, the last time he found himself in that dark, scary place, it was so easy to forget that it was still there, even with the weekly visits to the shrink and cocktail of pills he had to swallow everyday to feel somewhat normal, but there was no escaping it, not really.

_It started in the middle of the night, like so many times before when the effects of the drugs were at their weakest. He wanted to wake Rachel up, she always made everything better, but he knew that he scared her when he got like that, he caught her sometimes, tracing the scars on his wrists with her delicate fingers, that pensive look on her face. She was still afraid that it would be too much one day and he would leave her. He would never leave her, he meant what he said that day, if he ever found himself in that place again he wouldn't let it take him, but it was hard some nights, nights like that._

_There was something about the cold shower that calmed his nerves, the sound of the rushing water that drowned everything out. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs but he couldn't, it was suffocating, but she couldn't know, none of them could know. His breath came out hard and sharp as the water poured over him, wetting his clothes and hair._

"_Finn, I woke up and you weren't there, are you alright?" Rachel said from behind the door_

"_Go back to bed Rachel," he cried out._

"_Finn, I'm coming in okay," and she did, because of course he couldn't think to lock the door._

"_What's the matter sweetheart?" she said softly. "Did you have that dream again—_

"_I couldn't sleep," he explained, flustered, cutting her off. "I woke up in the middle of the night and no matter what I tried I couldn't make my brain shut up."_

"_What happened?" she repeated, cutting off the water and kneeling beside him._

"_Can you turn that back on please?" he said a bit frantically, and she did without question. "I hate it here sometimes Rachel, I mean I love it because you love it but I hate it, I hate the noise and all the people and how fast everything moves, it's like I can't keep up."_

"_Finn, everything's okay, you're going to be fine," she said. "Just tell me what happened."_

"_I can't sleep here Rachel, they won't stop honking," He said, gesturing wildly toward the outside. "What the hell are they honking about out there? It's 4 am why aren't they sleeping? Where could they possibly be going?"_

"_You just need to calm down, you need to breathe," she said, climbing into the bathtub to sit next to him, paying no mind to her clothes getting wet. "Tell me what's wrong, what's really wrong?"_

"_What am I going to do here?" He continued. Even with the water running it was easy to see that he was crying. "My head is a mess, and I'm supposed to help kids learn, I can't do it, I'm going to end up just like that guy on the corner who's always trying to sell you hugs."_

"_That's not going to happen Finn, and even if you did I'm sure you would be far more successful than he is, I've hugged him before and I have to say it's not worth the money."_

_It was always so hard to tell whether she was joking or just being Rachel, but he couldn't concern himself with that at the moment. It was like she wasn't even there, and he hated it. He just wanted to calm down, and go back to sleep, knowing that things would be clearer when he woke up._

"_I can't, I can't be here, I can't do this Rachel, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm so fucking sorry,"_

"_Finn, stop, stop, please, stop hurting yourself," she yelled, he didn't even realize that he was banging the back of his head on the tile, he knew that she hated that but he couldn't stop, not until she tried to stop him herself, quickly cupping the back of his head with her hands and crying out in pain when his jerking movements smashed her fingers into the tile._

"_Rachel, Rach are you okay? Did I hurt you baby?" He said, finally stopping, his voice shaking as she held her injured hand._

"_I'm okay," she assured him, but she didn't sound okay._

"_I'm sorry, he cried, I'm so sorry," what scared him the most about his illness, what drove him to take his pills every day even though they made him so cloudy sometimes was the possibility of hurting Rachel, the way he almost hurt Burt that awful day so many years before. She was so tiny, and he was so big and so much stronger, the thought of snapping and hitting her made him feel sick, it was so important to him for her to know that she was safe with him, that he would never hurt her, but sometimes he worried that it wouldn't always be his choice. He took her hand in his, kissing her fingers softly until the look of fear on her face melted away._

"_I'm sorry baby," he whispered between kisses, and she gently pulled her hand away from his and cupped his face, kissing him tenderly on the lips. He pulled back a little only to look at her, her deep, dark eyes, her rose petal lips… her neck. He swept her long wet hair behind her shoulder and swallowed hard, it was so easy to forget that she had scars of her own, so much deeper than his. There was so much in her past that still hurt her, he saw the way she shuddered sometimes when he touched her late at night, those scars would always be with her. _

"_Can you come to bed with me?" She whispered softly. She didn't have to ask twice. _

He bounces his knee nervously, thinking back on that night as he waits for his name to be called, he knows that appearing nervous won't exactly make the best impression, but it wasn't an easy thing to help. PS 42 certainly lived up to its reputation, at least on the surface, if the beat up lockers and graffiti peppered about weren't enough to set his teeth on edge, the noise in the crowded hallway certainly was, times like these he's relieved that the pills were doing their job.

"_Why don't you back the fuck off Lynn!"_

"_Last time I checked this was a free country Fuckerman!"_

"_You guys cut it out, I mean it, this is stupid!"_

"_Fight! Fight! Fight!"_

Finn's eyes immediately dart to the source of the commotion, it's two boys, most likely sophomores, one a fair skinned black boy with a humorless expression, the other a lanky brunette with a scowl that suggests he's tougher than he looks, getting ready to thoroughly wail on each other while a very uncomfortable looking brunette girl tries fruitlessly to stop them. He's been to many schools in his year of subbing and he has seen his fair share of fights, but this is PS 42, it isn't out of line to fear that a gun might be involved. So far there is none that he can see, but it's hard to tell with the tangle of bodies landing hard punches anywhere their fists can reach while the girl shrieks in distress and the crowd cheers them on. He doesn't think about it, or wonder if somebody will come to stop it, he simply darts up from his chair and goes to pull the kid referred to as fuckerman off of the other boy, yelling at them both to end it before it goes too far, both boys are already bleeding, and the girl looks close to tears. This boy is clearly strong, it's hard to get a handle on him the way he's thrashing, but Finn is stronger, and bigger, and before long he's stilled, his arms behind his back.

"Get off me man," Fuckerman grunts, shaking Finn's grip off.

"Who the fuck is this clown?" Lynn says, nodding toward Finn, breathing hard, clutching his bruised ribs.

"Nevermind who I am," Finn answers. "Principal's office, now."

"Who the fuck are you telling to go to the principal's office, are you even a teacher here?" Fuckerman shoots back.

"As a matter a fact he will be if he impresses me in this interview as much as he did just now. Lynn, Puckerman, in my office, _now_," The woman entering the hall barks in a commanding voice, and Finn instantly notices the way they both jump a little, he can see why. She's tall, and broad, with curly black hair, and a hard look that suggest she's not to be fucked with. "And the rest of you scatter, now unless you're looking to deal with me."

The students oblige, the girl too, but not before mouthing a subtle thank you to Finn, and the two boys disappear into the Principal's office without another word.

"Finn Hudson," I'm Shannon Bieste, she says with a surprisingly warm smile. "How about we talk out here, let those two sweat it out a little.

"Puckerman, why does that name sound familiar?" Finn asks, more himself than Principal Bieste.

"Heck if I know, the kid's been bounced around so many schools, you've probably crossed paths during your subbing," Bieste says with a shrug. "Anyway let's get a look at that resume kiddo."

_Kiddo_, upon first glance she doesn't seem like the type to refer to someone as kiddo, but it sounds surprisingly sincere and sweet coming from her, and it eases his anxiety a bit. He obliges, reaching into his satchel and pulling out the resume.

"Before you say anything, I know I don't have a lot of subbing experience," Finn says, trying to keep his voice steady as she scans the paper. "But I'm fully committed to—

"Allen County hospital psychiatric facility?" Bieste says, looking up, and he swallows hard before preparing an answer.

"I used to volunteer there before I moved to New York," Finn explains. "Me and my girlfriend, Rachel."

"You're the one I've been hearing about aren't you?" she says, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

"That depends on what you've heard."

"Well, I heard that you were more than a volunteer at that hospital, you did some time didn't you kiddo?"

She doesn't speak with any judgment, it's more like curiosity.

"It was a long time ago," he admits quietly, and he thinks about what Rachel said this morning, about how all of the bad things in his past are a part of who is, and he breathes deep. "I was seventeen when I was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder, I spent some time in the hospital after a particularly bad episode. But with regular therapy and medication I've gotten it almost completely under control."

"Well, we all have our Demons Finn, can I call you Finn?"

"Sure," his says, his voice a bit choked.

"All in all I gotta tell ya, this is one impressive resume," She says. "Graduated with a 3.3 from Fordham university, worked at an after school music program for disadvantaged kids, you like music huh?"

"I do," he says, trying to sound excited but still terrified on the inside. "Me and my roommate Blaine used to have a band in high school, I played the drums, I sing too, and play the guitar, actually when the teachers don't have too much on the agenda for the day sometimes I'll sing songs from schoolhouse rock, they tend to like that."

"I'll bet they do," Bieste replies. "So, Finn, why teaching?"

He knew she would ask that, they always do, and although he has an answer prepared, something about this woman makes him think she won't exactly be floored by it. So he starts from scratch, hoping he manages to be at least a little articulate.

"I don't know, I guess it's just nice helping other people's dreams come true, you know."

"Well Finn this isn't exactly a place where dreams tend to come true," she says a bit sadly.

"But it could be, couldn't it?" he says, gaining confidence with each word. "I mean, that's why you're here right, to make a difference?"

"Yeah," she says with that same warm smile. "That's exactly why I'm here."

He thinks this may end better than he expected.

* * *

She's been waiting for him for over an hour, waiting in her usual space while Kurt and Blaine go on about their business, buzzing around the apartment over one thing or another, she thinks they're arguing about where the vintage movie poster they picked up at the flea market should go, if she weren't so intensely focused on the front door right now she would tell them that the poster obviously belongs in the bathroom, it's a poster for _Psycho_, where else would be more appropriate? But she doesn't interfere, she only waits in silence, jumping up from her seat only when he walks through the door.

"You got the job," she says as a statement, not even a question, and she can tell he was focusing very hard on not giving anything away through his facial features alone, but she can read him like a book. Every other time in the past few months she's greeted him with a hug and the assurance that it was their loss, but not today.

"How do you always know?" he says deflating a little, and she jumps into his arms with a delighted squeal.

**This isn't going to turn into a Dangerous Minds type deal, Finn's experience in PS 42 won't be the main focus here. This is actually more Rachel's story, although still mostly from Finn's POV, just because I write better from Finn's POV. Anywhoo, stay tuned folks!**


	2. Fireflies

Sometimes he just likes to watch her. To Rachel getting dressed is an event, especially when she's dressing for an audition. She likes to perform an excerpt from her prepared monologue or a song for every outfit she tries on, to see how it feels. Today it's a deep blue sleeveless sweater with flower accents around the neck and black cigarette pants, her long brown hair is pulled back from her face with an ebony comb Kurt bought for her at a flea market, and her lips are bare and glossy. He thinks she must be auditioning for a drama. He knows she'll get it, she's the darling of the Williamsburg Community Theatre Company.

Being the star of a non-profit theater troupe wasn't exactly her dream growing up, but considering how fragile she still is so much of the time, it's where she's most comfortable. Performing obscure plays for a couple hundred people a few nights a week fuels her need for creative expression without overwhelming her delicate senses, but sometimes he gets the feeling she still yearns for the bright lights of Broadway, it's why they came here in the first place. He likes to think that her time will come, but for now she's happy.

"What do you think?" she says, turning around for him.

"I like it," he says sincerely. "You look serious, but like a fun sort of serious."

"That's exactly what I'm going for," she beams, prancing up to him to sit in his lap, and his hands find her waist as her arms snake around his neck. "Wouldn't it be amazing if I got the lead role the same week you got your first full time teaching job? It would be like the universe telling us we're meant to conquer the world together."

"Except you've been getting lead roles since we got here, and this is the first real break I've gotten since I finished my certification."

"Well sometimes the universe can be a little slow on the uptake for some people," she says, shrugging. "Besides, this is just the beginning for me too, If I get the lead in this particular play it could be my last on the Brooklyn community theatre circuit."

"But I thought you loved the WCTC," he says confusedly.

"I do, I really do but every actor worth her salt knows when it's time to move on to bigger and better things Finn."

"Wait, what do you mean?" he says, knitting his brow in confusion.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot to tell you," she says excitedly. "You know the playwright, Carmen Thibadeaux?

"Of course, you talk about her all the time," Finn replies.

"Well, as you know she got her start in the WCTC, she wrote her very first play for them before she got famous, but like any crushing success who had to pay her dues she hasn't forgotten where she came from. She's back in New York and I'm going to see to it that she's in that audience the night I perform"

"How exactly?"

"Well I've been personally calling and writing letters nonstop."

"As yourself, right?" he asks warily, very aware of Rachel's habit of conducting business in character, the cable man is still thoroughly convinced that she's a Russian immigrant named Natasha.

"Of course as myself… for the most part," she says shrugging. "Anyway, if she comes there's no way I'm not getting an audition for her latest play. And it's a musical, how perfect is that?"

"So perfect," Finn agrees. "What kind of musical?"

"Picture this," she says, getting up from Finn's lap. "Harlem 1934, the height of the Harlem Renaissance, teenaged runaway Eunice Sharp sets out to make her mark on the world, passing for white and venturing into the city to make her fortune, only to be quickly knocked down by the hands of fate. Suddenly poor, homeless and forced to sell her fragile young body to survive, until one day she meets a man who promises to give her everything, and the only thing standing in the way of her lifelong happiness is the secret identity that protects her very survival in a cruel and unforgiving world."

"That sounds really cool," Finn says honestly."There's only one problem… you're not part black," he continues carefully."

"I could very well be part black, Finn Hudson," She shoots back, using both of his names the way she always does when she's the slightest bit offended. "One of my daddies was an African American man, and since I don't know which one is which there's a 50/50 chance that I'm perfect for the role." He notices the way her voice shakes a little at the mention of her fathers, she accepted their deaths a long time ago, but he knows how much what happened to them still hurts her, when he catches her crying at night he never has to ask what's wrong, he only has to hold her until she falls asleep again.

"Honestly…" Finn starts, pondering. "I think you should go for it."

"Really?" she beams.

"Of course, I mean even if you don't get the lead I'm sure there are some white characters you can play, right?"

"Well there is the role of the male lead's beautiful, long suffering wife who must sit idly by while her husband takes Eunice as a mistress, in a way it's an even meatier role. And she gets two solos."

"Well whichever role you get I know you'll be brilliant."

"You really think I'm ready?" she says seriously. "I mean I know you want to be supportive, and I love that about you, but if you don't think I'm ready I want you to tell me, I promise I won't get upset."

"Rachel, I know you, of course you'll get upset," he says, making her pout, but he reaches out and grabs her wrist, pulling her back down on his lap. "But I mean it. I think you're ready. I think you're so much better now and you owe it to yourself to go for your dreams."

She kisses him in gratitude, stealing his breath. And he kisses her back. She is better, happier, and he loves her more than he ever thought possible, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't understand where Kurt was coming from sometimes. He knows that his brother loves them both, but living with them can't always be easy, and not just because Rachel won't stop moving their art and furniture whenever she disagrees with the placement. He looks behind Rachel at the thick black music notes covering the entire back wall of the massive one room loft, he thinks Kurt hasn't painted over them because once he got over the anger of her defacing their apartment he realized how cool and arty they looked, but seeing them still reminds him of how unstable she can still be sometimes.

_He'd come home from his latest subbing job two months ago to find Kurt and Blaine standing outside the door, they had clearly been sitting there for awhile, Kurt was pacing the floor, his phone clasped to his ear, ranting about Rachel barricading the door. It happened sometimes. And he sighed deeply at the realization that she was in one of her moods again._

"_Finn, we've been out here for two hours," Blaine said. "She won't answer her phone, she won't open the door."_

"_Oh no, is she okay?" Finn said, pressing his ear against the door. The music was playing so loudly there was a good chance she didn't even hear them. "Oh no, she's playing the Company soundtrack, she's not okay at all. Rachel, sweetheart, please open the door, just let us in, you don't have to talk to us okay?"_

_**Here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best?  
but when they get depressed it's a bottle of scotch and a little jest**_

"_Rachel, baby please open the door."_

_**Another chance to disapprove  
Another brilliant zinger  
Another reason not to move  
Another Vodka stinger  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!**_

_**I'll drink to that.**_

"_Let me get this straight, she's locked us out of the apartment again and you're worried about the soundtrack?" Kurt asked, Finn hadn't even noticed that he hung up the phone._

"_Company was the first play her dads ever took her to," Finn explained solemnly._

"_Oh no," Blaine said, his eyes fluttering closed in frustration. "Is she going to be alright?"_

"_I don't know, I have to get the door open," Finn said. "Get a chain cutter from the super, I'll try to get a big enough gap to fit it through."_

_Kurt obliged, going downstairs and returning a few minutes later with the heavy tool. Finn had gotten the door open slightly, but he could barely see inside. But the chain was exposed enough to get to, and with a little effort he snapped it off of the door and frantically slid it open._

"_Do you think you guys can just hang out out here for a few minutes." Finn said carefully._

"_Are you kidding me Finn—_

"_Please," Finn said tensely cutting Kurt off._

"_We'll be right outside," Blaine said, and Kurt reluctantly nodded in agreement._

_He entered the apartment warily, the noise was overwhelming, but at least it kept her from realizing he had come in. He had to stop short at the sight of her, her clothes, hands and feet were spattered in black paint and the wall was covered in music notes. He read them quietly, hoping that the song on the wall wasn't some sort of suicide note, he knew that Rachel wasn't suicidal, but she was nobody's idea of predictable either, which was why he hoped against hope that she didn't freak out when he shut off the speaker, but she didn't, she kept painting, her body shaking with sobs, making the notes on the wall look scrawled and messy, very un-Rachel like. He was relieved to see that it wasn't "Alone Again, Naturally" or even the song from the soundtrack, which would be even worse. It took him a second to recognize the melody, once he did he realized she was trying to make herself feel better, not worse._

_**You would not believe your eyes  
If ten million fireflies  
Lit up the world as I fell asleep**_

_He sang the song on the wall, slowly, gently as he walked toward her. And at the sound of his voice she stopped painting, letting her arm fall to her side, but still not turning to face him._

_**Cause they fill the open air  
And leave teardrops everywhere  
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and  
Stare.**_

_She struggled against him a little as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his gentle embrace._

"_Stop, stop it," she whispered as he put his lips up to her ear and held her close to him._

_**I like to make myself believe  
That planet earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems  
**_

_**When I fall asleep**_

_She sang the last line along with him, so quietly he could barely hear her, but he knew he'd gotten through, she dropped the brush and turned in his arms letting him hold her as she cried, and he lowered them down to a sitting position on the floor. He cradled her gently, rocking her back and forth._

_**Cause I'd get a thousand hugs  
From ten thousand lightning bugs  
As they tried to teach me how to dance  
A foxtrot above my head  
A sock hop beneath my bed  
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread**_

_**I like to make myself believe  
That planet earth turns slowly  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep  
'Cause everything is never as it seems**_

When I fall asleep

"_It's okay sweetheart, you're going to be okay," he assured her, and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply as her body started to still, that song always calmed her down, she must have been really upset that time if she need to paint it on the wall, because once she started playing the other song she couldn't stop it herself, she could only drown it out with something else, something calming. But it was over, at least for now. Her red, puffy eyes fluttered closed. And he took the sleeve of his shirt and wiped away the black paint from her cheek and kissed her overheated forehead."Everything's going to be okay, I'm here. I'm right here."_

"Finn, do you think you can come with me, to the audition?" Rachel asks sweetly, snapping Finn out of his thoughts.

"You know I'd love to, but I have to sub at P.S. 118 today. My last sub job."

"No, I mean the real audition, for Thibadeaux's play," he loved how she was so sure about it. "You're my good luck charm, you have to go."

"You don't believe in luck. You've always told me that your voice is your good luck charm."

"My voice _and_ you, I can have two good luck charms."

"I'll be there," he says, needing no further prompting, and they kiss goodbye, their least favorite part of any given day.

* * *

He's grown to appreciate New York in the five years he's lived here with Rachel, Kurt and Blaine. Of course if it wasn't for her he'd be perfectly content in his small town, but Rachel never would have went for that, she was meant for bigger things. It took a lot of convincing from her aunt Shelby to let her go, even though she was 18 at the time and in any other circumstances could legally venture off to capture any destiny her heart desired. But she was a special case, and so was he, really. His own mother wasn't exactly thrilled about the prospect of him going off on his own. If Kurt and Blaine weren't both headed that way for college she may have never warmed up to the idea, but here they were, together, living their lives in ways they never would have dreamed possible back when they were both too emotionally shattered to even function in day to day society.

It's a fairly standard day, Mr. Sellers only teaches three classes and they're all at the beginning of the day, so he's free in time to meet Kurt for lunch. It's become something of a ritual, even when they're both slammed at work and tending to their own relationships they make time for each other.

Kurt is at his usual spot at the outdoor café, sipping his coffee, it's one of those trendy arty places that Finn never really seems to fit into, but it was Kurt's turn to pick the place, next time they're going out for wings and beer and there's nothing that Kurt will be able to say about it.

"Hey buddy," Finn says, taking a seat across from Kurt.

"Hey, I got you sweet tea." Kurt replies. "My god do you see that? Who wears a fanny pack anymore? She may as well be wearing a sign that says 'look at me I'm a tourist!'"

"Oh, that's Mrs. Hagbert from LaGuardia High," Finn says. "Hey Mrs. Hagbert!"

"Hello Mr. Hudson," she says with her raspy voice and uncomfortable smile as she passes them.

"Wasn't she on an episode of hoarders?" Kurt asks.

"It was a two parter," Finn says. "She sent me an autographed DVD copy."

"Hmm," Kurt murmers. "So, has Rachel called you about the audition yet?"

"No," Finn replies. "She doesn't like to call, she likes to keep me in suspense until I get home. But I'm not worried, they love her over there."

"Do you think Carmen Thibadeaux will really show up if she does get it?"

"I swear to god it's like you and my girlfriend have your own secret Broadway world together," Finn says. "But what if she does come, do you think she might?"

"Stranger things have happened," Kurt says shrugging "I just hope she'll be able to handle it."

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"Finn you know that I adore Rachel, but she's not exactly equipped to handle tons of pressure. I hear Cassandra July is directing that play."

"Who the hell is Cassandra July?"

"Actress slash trainwreck turned notoriously evil stage director," Kurt explains. "Also I downloaded a leaked copy of the play, and I think you should probably read it to." at that he reaches into his satchel and pulls out a hard copy of _Eunice and Mr. Slattery_ By Carmen Thibadeaux.

"You seem really concerned… should I be?"

"Well not unless you think Rachel can handle doing a Rape scene."

He nearly chokes on his tea at Kurt's words. "Wait, what?"

"The character of Mrs. Slattery, she gets raped by her husband in the third act, of course most of it is implied but he still has to touch her breasts and kiss her and there's a lot of yelling and swearing, it's an intense scene Finn. Page 193."

He flips to the page and begins to read, and Kurt notices the way Finn's face falls.

"Oh my god," Finn groans. "She can't do this, she's going to freak out, I know she is."

"Maybe it'll be okay, maybe Thibadeaux won't even show up," Kurt says reassuringly.

"Rachel is a very difficult person to ignore, if she's really been as relentless as she says she has then Thibadeaux will be there out of curiosity alone, no question," Finn says. "And there's no way she's not going to at least offer her an audition, you've seen Rachel perform."

"Okay so she'll probably be there," Kurt admits, "But still, maybe she'll be okay, I mean she's read the play, if she thinks she can handle it then maybe she can. Or maybe she'll get the lead."

"But what if she doesn't? I have to try to talk her out of it," Finn says. He hates himself for even thinking it, after the way he encouraged her to go for it. But there must have been a reason Rachel hesitated to go for the Mrs. Slattery role in the first place, and not just because it wasn't the lead. Part of her was just as unnerved by the possibility of her doing that scene as he was. "She can't do this Kurt."

"I know this is scary, but you can't tell her no if it's what she wants, you're her boyfriend, not her dad," Kurt says.

"I know that Kurt, but when we moved here we promised to take care of each other. Letting her do this when I know that it's not going to end well isn't taking care of her."

"Neither is stifling her," Kurt says. "You knew this day would come, it was Rachel's decision to enter a career that would challenge her emotionally, and she's brilliant at it Finn, You just have to have a little faith okay."

"You were the one who said that she's not good under pressure, especially not this kind of pressure."

"Maybe not, but she's still a stunning actress," Kurt says. "Maybe she _will _freak out, but maybe, just maybe, she'll learn how to channel her pain into the best performance she's ever given."

He doesn't want to doubt that Rachel can do anything that she sets her mind to, but he can't help feeling like this is a bad idea. He has to talk to Rachel.

"Maybe," he says hesitantly.

* * *

He doesn't even have to ask upon entering the house whether Rachel got the part or not, the way she's waiting at the door for him.

"You got the part didn't you?" Finn says, his voice faraway.

"How do you always know," she teases. "And Thibadeaux is going to come, I can feel it. One of her favorite plays of all time performed by her old theatre troupe, starring me, Rachel Barbra Berry, how can she resist?"

He holds her close as she flings herself into his arms, he feels like a dark cloud has surrounded him, and it won't go away unless he can convince her to not go out for the part. But he knows that he can't, he can only hope to god that everything will be okay.

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	3. All An Act

He decides not to say anything right away, he doesn't want to ruin her moment, she looked so excited, so happy. He loves it when she's happy, he loves her smile, but he has to talk to her sometime, there's no avoiding it. Part of him wishes he wouldn't have given into her first, let her casually undress him as she chattered away about the audition, and how she nailed it and how it would be her best role ever and Carmen Thibadeaux would have to be an idiot not to offer her an audition for her play, and before he could ask her any questions or voice any concerns she had him on the bed beneath her like so many times before, his words getting lost in the urgency and passion of their lovemaking. Sex with Rachel was always a bit tricky, he was careful not to get too aggressive with her, even after seven years he was always so gentle and cautious when he touched her, or put his mouth on her body, or slipped himself inside of her, there was something in her eyes and mannerisms that let him know she preferred it that way, that it was what love felt like to her, tender touches and soft whispers, but she could be as aggressive with him as she wanted, and he loved the times when she just took him without so much as a word.

She remains quiet as she lies next to him, their naked bodies are tangled in the sheets, and there's a small smile on her face as she gazes at his, running her soft fingers along the contour of his jaw and his shoulders and arms and the flat plane of his chest, and the pale white scars on the insides of his wrists, he grabs her hand in his as she touches him there and brings it up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles lightly, a sort of reassurance.

"I love you," she whispers softly, making his smile widen. "All of you," she continues, kissing his lips lightly. "I love how soft your lips are, and the color of your eyes, and the way you smile…"

"You're trying to give me a big head aren't you?" he chuckles.

"I'm serious," she says, seeming to mean it. "I love your laugh, and the 17 freckles on your nose…"

"You counted?" he teases, making her swat him playfully before cuddling into him closer. "I love the way you love me," she finishes, her voice low.

"I _do_ love you," he replies without hesitation and he starts to kiss his way down her face, and neck, feeling the deep scar under his lips, and he continues down to the small curve of her breast.

"All of me?" she asks, even though she clearly knows the answer.

"Every last inch of you," he whispers, taking a nipple into his mouth and hearing her breath catch at the contact. He continues suckling her gently as she runs her fingers through his hair and takes his hand in her free hand, moving it down between her thighs, touching herself with his hand while he tastes her. He remembers the first time he made love to her, how she cried in his arms as he gave himself to her completely, it wasn't something he had planned or even considered at the time, but it was something they both needed, and they need it now as much as they ever did. He slides into her again, letting her wrap her legs around him, pulling him closer. It still feels so right, like he was made for her somehow, even though physically they couldn't be more different.

"Finn," she sighs softly as she takes every inch of him in, letting him kiss every part of her he can find as he glides in and out.

They'll talk in the morning.

* * *

She's up early for her first rehearsal, him for his first class, he has to admit he's nervous, but more because he has to confront Rachel about this play. But he went over it in his head, so at least he knows where to start.

"I made you Earl Grey," she says, handing him his coffee mug which hasn't had a drop of actual coffee in it since he got the thing. "With milk and sugar just the way you like it."

"Thanks babe," he replies, kissing her softly on the cheek.

"Are you excited about your first class?"

"Yeah, definitely," he says fleetingly "So, first rehearsal, that' exciting huh?" he continues, lamely.

"Oh yes, always," she responds, sitting across from him. "But this time especially. I really want to nail this part for Carmen."

"And you really think she's going to come?" he doesn't want to seem like he doesn't believe in her, but he has to get this conversation going somehow, and bringing up the possibility of her showing up is a good place to start.

"Finn you know my feelings about this kind of thing are never wrong, she'll be there, I know it."

"Well, I'm sure if she is there she'll offer you an audition," he starts. "The thing is…"

"You don't think she'll want me to play Eunice do you?" she asks seriously.

"Well you said it yourself, from what I've read you'd be the perfect Mrs. Slattery."

"Well, I've been all over the message boards, apparently the online community thinks Samantha Barks is a shoo-in for Eunice", she says, a little disappointed. "But it's highly speculated that they'll be looking for an unknown to play Mrs. Slattery," she continues. "It's a star-making role."

"And I think you'll be great, I really do but…

"You're worried about the rape scene," she says, finishing for him, he's not sure why he didn't consider the fact that Rachel would once again know exactly what he was thinking. He swallows hard and reaches across the table to grab her hand.

"I love you, and you know I think you can do anything you set your mind to, but I also know what you've been through," He says hesitantly, and her face is hard to read "Not the details or anything but I know, something happened to you that should never happened to anyone. And I try not to bring it up because I don't ever want you to have to think about that night again because I know how much it still hurts you."

She's looking down on the table now and he can tell she's already trying not to cry, he gets up from his seat and walks around the table to her, cupping her face in his hands. "I'm just scared that if you have to do this then it's going to bring back feelings that you should never have to feel."

"You think I don't think about it Finn?" She says, her voice cracking. "Of course I think about it, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it even before they put me away. I forgot that my parents were dead but I never forgot what happened to me, not even for a second."

"Rachel—

"But that was real Finn," she says, cutting him off. "This isn't real, it's acting, acting is the one thing I've always been able to control even when I can't control anything else."

"Then why are you so afraid to do this part Rachel?" he asks her, receiving no immediate response. "I can see it on your face."

"I'm not afraid!" she snaps, raising her voice.

"Rachel, baby," she says, rubbing her arms up and down soothingly and kissing her forehead. "It's okay, we're just talking."

"I can't turn down an opportunity like this because of my past Finn," she says, a little quieter. "I can't keep being a victim of it, I know you understand that."

"Of course I understand it but…"

"But you think I'm still crazy don't you?" she says, breaking away.

"You know I would never think that about you, ever," he says seriously.

"But you think I can't handle it?" she continues. He doesn't mean to stay silent at the accusation, but he can't find the words.

"What time do you have to leave Finn?" She continues, a little more confidently.

"In about 20 minutes, why?" he asks, knitting his brow in confusion.

"And how many times have you reread that scene behind my back?"

"Rachel," he starts, knowing exactly where this is going and wanting no part of it, he's run lines with her so many times before, but this is different. "I'm not going to do this."

"All I want is for you to know that I can handle it," she says.

"But it's me, you know me."

"Not if you can make yourself into someone I don't know," she explains. "Look, Finn I promise I won't freak out okay, just take that anger I know you still feel inside and channel it toward me, but don't stray from the script, you know how that bothers me."

"Yet me pretending to assault you won't bother you?"

"Not if it puts your mind at ease," she continues. "Now I know you've been messing around with that girl Peter," she continues in a perfect patrician accent, immediately switching into character. "You've been messing around with that girl and you don't even have the common decency to be ashamed about it, how do you think that makes me look?"

"Rach—

"My name is Martha, and your name is Peter, you don't break character unless I address you as Finn," she explains. "Now how do you think that makes me look Peter?"

He takes a deep breath, he knows that he should fight her more, because the truth is the thought of even pretending to hurt Rachel upsets him, but she's right, he has to know that she can handle this, because it's not like he's going to convince her not to do it.

"Why don't you shut your goddamned mouth for two seconds Martha," he roars, getting into Rachel's tear streaked face. "look around you, look at this place, I paid for all of it, and for what, to keep you happy, and you can't even manage that, how do you think that makes me look Martha."

"You think I care about a bunch of fancy things when you're out at all hours of the night with that tramp, making a fool out of me. I would give it all back if I could have the man I married, not this stranger who I can't even look at."

"Fine," he seethes. "Give it all back, give back the jewelry," he continues, sweeping a box of Kleenex off of the table pretending it's a jewelry box,

"Peter stop it, you're drunk," she cries.

"Give back the fur coats," he continues, tearing his jacket off of the coat rack. "And give back that pretty dress you're wearing," he continues, and his heart pounds as he begins to pull Rachel's dress down off of her body exposing her bra, and he kisses her neck forcefully.

"Peter please, please stop," she cries, and he can feel her hot tears dripping into his hair as he continues to kiss her and backs her up onto the couch, forcefully laying her down, and she swats at his hands but he keeps going, doing what she says, channeling his anger while she channels her fear.

"Peter get off," she sobs as he grabs her breasts, he can feel her kicking beneath him and pushing against his chest, she's fought him before, whenever she broke down and he had to make her calm again she'd struggle against him until he got her still, like the time in the graveyard or the time she painted the wall, but this is different. He wants to stop, but he can't until she says Finn, she'll go ballistic if he questions her acting skills.

"You want me? You want the man you married?" he asks, his voice a loud growl as he starts to unbuckle his belt with one hand. "Well you got me baby, whether you like it or not."

"And the stage fades to black," Rachel says, Finn still on top of her.

"Are you okay?" he says, getting up.

"Yeah," she says softly, wiping her tears. "You were really good."

"So were you," he replies. "Almost too good."

"I have to be," she says, tears still in her voice, and he reaches for her hair, his heart sinking a little when she ducks away.

"Can you just not touch me for a second?" she says. "I just have to get back in the right mindset."

"Okay, I'm not touching you," he says, putting his hands up.

"That wasn't so bad really," she says quietly, after awhile, pulling the straps of her dress back up. "Okay."

"Okay what?" he asks cautiously.

"Okay you can touch me," she says, so he slowly reaches for her hair, touching it softly.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks warily.

"Please," she says, looking at him, so he kisses her, a long, tender kiss, and he feels a bit of relief when she kisses him back and touches his hair.

"I want to do this Finn," she whispers softly, her hands on his face, her eyes closed, her nose touching his. "I know you don't understand it—

"No," he says, cutting her off. "I do."

* * *

He thinks about her the whole way to school, about how scared she sounded, how she was crying, and it chills him to his core, the truth is he's not sure if he's more disturbed by how convincing her acting was or the fact that she was acting with _him_. He could have said no, but he can't imagine it would have gone any better had he refused. And the truth is he wanted to know how she would react, if she could get through it, and she did, and she kissed him afterward like she still felt safe. Maybe there really is nothing to worry about. What happened to Rachel isn't going to go away, no matter what she does or doesn't do, it haunts her like a plague on her senses, so maybe it doesn't matter whether she does the scene or not, and she was right. In context it really isn't that bad, she's had to die onstage before, more than once. Maybe she really will be fine.

The worried thoughts only go by the wayside once he enters his class. It's a good feeling, setting up his classroom with his guitar stand, and his diploma and a picture of Rachel on his desk. It's the final calm before his students shuffle in. The first to enter is a girl, blonde and small, and about as nonthreatening as a girl can look.

"Good morning," he says, trying to keep his voice as confident as possible.

"Did I address you sasquatch?" the girl says, fire in her voice.

"No, pretty sure that's why I addressed you," he replies, keeping his cool as she takes a seat. "And is the name-calling really necessary?"

"You tell me Gregor," she says, getting out her phone and absentmindedly texting.

"Fine Tyrion," he shoots back coolly, causing her to shoot him a look. "Where is everybody?" he continues, checking his watch.

"They'll be along shortly I'm sure," she says in a bored voice. "They always like to fuck with the new teachers, I on the other hand couldn't give a shit."

"Language Tyrion," he continues.

"So are you just going to keep calling me that now?"

"I think it suits you, you're short and kind of mean. Plus I don't know your real name."

"Trust me, I'm a goddamned angel compared to some of these kids," She says. "And it's Kitty."

"I like Tyrion," he says, shrugging, to which she gives him a little smirk. He thinks maybe this will be easier than he thought, but then again she's only one girl.

It takes about five more minutes for the rest of the kids to come in, by then he's far past annoyed, but he tries not to show it as they take their seats. He recognizes Jake from before, and the other kid, Ryder Lynn, and he can already tell it's going to be a tough first day.

"So I'm guessing everyone's alarm clock just failed to go off today?" Finn says, annoyed.

"No, we just had to make sure we all came prepared," says a tall black boy in a letterman jacket with cornrows going straight back.

"What, like notebooks and stuff? Pretty sure Staples was open yesterday." Finn says.

"No, that's not what we meant," The boy continues, looking through his backpack. "A few of us chipped in for your welcoming gift. And part of Finn that's just as stupid as he ever was gets a little bit excited at the prospect as he takes out a large piece of kanvas and starts to walk up to him, but when he sees the leather straps it doesn't take long for him to realize what it is he's just handed him, and the laughter is thunderous as Finn holds up the straight jacket.

"You know," the boy says through his laughter. "Just in case."

"Wow," Finn says, unfazed. He has become nearly immune to embarrassment in the years following high school, and the pills keep all of his emotions from attacking him at once, so he can't say their prank has quite the effect on him they probably desired, but everyone except for Jake who just rolls his eyes in bemusement, Kitty, who continues to text and yawn, and Ryder who almost looks sympathetic, seems to be loving it. He should have known they would find out about this, the rumor mill is a powerful thing in high schools, but the only thing that really worries him is the possibility that they will never take him seriously after this, unless of course he can use it to his advantage. The laughter is so loud he knows that it's going to take a lot to get their attention, he knows this is risky, but he also knows that principal Bieste is desperate to get these kids in line, why else would she have hired him in the first place? He sits the straight jacket down on his desk and casually grabs his coffee mug, playfully tossing it in his hand a couple of times before violently hurling it across the room, causing it to shatter into a million tiny pieces against the back wall. And the look of shock on all of their faces, even Kitty's, is enough to make him feel like he has the upper hand.

"Okay," he says, in a cheerful voice, breaking the deafening silence that follows his outburst. "My name is Mr. Hudson, welcome to U.S. History I."

Maybe it wouldn't be so tough after all.

**Judging by Dynamic Duets, aside from the whole thing with hurling a cup across the room, this strikes me as how Finn would really be as a teacher, which is awesome. Stay Tuned Folks!**


	4. Curveballs

He decides early on that his least favorite part of teaching is grading papers. He can deal with a bunch of rambunctious, potty mouthed 15 years olds , but the guilt that comes with having to write that big fat F on the corner of their papers never gets easier, even with the ones he doesn't like, which at this point is roughly half. It's been a solid month since he started at PS 42 and he's surprised that any of these kids have managed to grow on him, but Beiste assured him that they would after she finished chewing him out for the mug incident, which in his defense worked like a charm. She also assured him that every teacher had to dole out a bad grade every once in awhile and that he shouldn't beat himself up too much, but it's hard not to, Rachel is one of the best actors and singers he's ever met , and all he truly wants is to be the best at what he does too, if only he can get through to them somehow.

"I hope you realize how depressing it was for me to have to grade your papers," Finn says as he passes back essays.

"Need a Xanax loony?" Kitty says, coolly.

"Xanax is for anxiety, not depression," he says, unfazed. "Good job by the way," he continues, handing back her A- paper.

"Fucking cheater," Ryder says under his breath.

"The fuck I cheated, it's not my fault I learned to read in kindergarten like a normal person," Kitty shoots back. She's been giving him shit ever since Finn made him read aloud in class. The way he struggled to sound out the words made Finn feel instantly bad for him, but the other kids weren't exactly sympathetic, only Jake laid off even a little.

"Enough you guys," Finn says firmly. "Ryder, see me after class," he continues, handing Ryder his latest in a line of D+'s. He always reacts to a bad grade in the same way, he doesn't roll his eyes, or shrug it off like the others or insult him like he'd imagine Kitty would if she ever received a bad grade, he just wilts a little, his eyes growing sad, so few of these kids seem to give a shit about their grades, but Ryder clearly gives a shit, even if he didn't want anyone to know.

"Look you guys, I know that you're young and you don't think that anything you do right now is going to effect the rest of your lives, but trust me on this, you'll have it a lot easier if you make an effort now, read your books, try to pay just a little bit of attention when I talk, I didn't think this stuff was interesting when I was your age either but trust me it is.

"Here we go, another, when I was your age speech," Jake says, rolling his eyes. "Do you really think that cliché bullshit works?"

"Look, it wasn't that long ago alright," Finn says.

"Was it before or after the nuthouse?" Jake shoots back.

"You're calling me cliche?" Finn shoots back. "Why don't you come up with another insult, you're starting to bore me."

"Whatever," Jake says, sliding down in his seat a little.

"Okay, let's get down to business, what do you guys know about the American Revolution?"

"Are you kidding me?" Ryder scoffs.

"What, none of you have seen _The Patriot_?" Finn jokes.

"It was the war the Americans fought against the British over tea or some shit," Jake says under his breath.

"Okay," Finn says, nodding once, he had Jake figured out at that point, considering his B plus average so far the bad boy shtick was clearly an act. He noticed the way he always quickly stuffed his papers into his backpack to keep the other students from seeing them, it was a sad state of affairs when kids actually felt ashamed of being smart. "Not a bad start."

He went over today's lesson with Rachel, after nearly half his students either failed or scraped by with a D she suggested it was time to break out the big guns, the truth is he's hesitant to even glance at his guitar in front of these kids, god knows they give him enough shit about being crazy, they certainly didn't seem like a bunch that would respond to a dorky white guy with a guitar, and the last thing he wanted was to waste time, but he promised Rachel he would sing, so he took a deep breath and reached behind his desk for the guitar.

"Oh hell no," Phil says as Finn begins strumming, well more like whispers, the cornrowed boy is still pretty rattled about the mug incident, although not enough to try pulling more than an F plus on any of his papers.

"What's the matter Philly D?" Finn says, using the boy's nickname sarcastically. "You don't like country western."

"Do I look like I'm trying to listen to no fucking country western?" Phil scoffs.

"Well you're in luck because that stuffs lost on me after Johnny Cash, but how do you feel about some good old fashioned America themed Rock and Roll?"

"God could you be any lamer?" Jake interjects.

"Ignoring you," Finn shoots back. "Now feel free to follow along if you've heard this one," Finn continues as he riffs violently on his guitar, cursing himself for not going electric, but he figures the acoustic will do in a pinch, even for the rocked out arrangement of the song he, Rachel and Blaine worked on last night.

_Now, the ride of Paul Revere  
Set the nation on its ear,  
And the shot at Lexington heard 'round the world,  
When the British fired in the early dawn  
The War of Independence had begun,  
The die was cast, the rebel flag unfurled._

_And on to Concord marched the foe  
To seize the arsenal there you know,  
Waking folks searching all around  
Till our militia stopped them in their tracks,  
At the old North Bridge we turned them back  
And chased those Redcoats back to Boston town._

"This is fucking stupid," Jake interrupts.

"Looks like Puckerman wants to join in," Finn says to a few scattered chuckles. "How 'bout it Jake?"

The boy sinks down in his seat a little before he begins to mumble the next few words.

_And the shot heard 'round the world  
Was the start of the Revolution.  
The Minute Men were ready, on the move.  
Take your powder, and take your gun.  
Report to General Washington.  
Hurry men, there's not an hour to lose!_

"You know there's actually a decent voice hidden under there," Finn says truthfully.

_Now, at famous Bunker Hill,  
Even though we lost, it was quite a thrill,  
The rebel Colonel Prescott proved he was wise;  
Outnumbered and low on ammunition  
As the British stormed his position  
He said, "Hold your fire till you see the whites of their eyes!"_

He notices the class grow steadily quieter as he continues to sing, he thinks he even sees a few smiles, and as he finishes and sets the guitar stand back up, Kitty straightens up in her seat.

"Wow, usually listening to you makes me want to gouge my own eyes out but I have to say, that was suuuper hot," Kitty says.

"Inappropriate," Finn says. "But thank you."

"So, you sing?" Ryder says quietly.

"I sing, I play guitar and drums and I'm all about the American Revolution," Finn says. "Open up your books to page 109."

He thinks all and all it was a good lesson, he looks forward to telling Rachel after her play, it's opening night and on opening night of any performance she tends to avoid everybody, especially this performance, as nervous as she is about the prospect of Carmen Thibadeaux coming.

"You wanted to see me?" Ryder mumbles, reluctantly approaching Finn's desk.

"Yeah, sit down," Finn says, to which the boy obliges.

"Look, I know I fucked up that test, it's just—

"Dyslexia?" Finn guesses, cutting him off.

"What the hell is that?" Ryder says, knitting his brow in confusion.

"This orderly I knew from the hospital, Sam Evans, he had it," Finn explains. "It's why you read so slowly in class isn't it?"

"Are you making fun of me man?" Ryder says.

"Look, I didn't mean to embarrass you when I asked you to read out loud," Finn says. "It's a method we learned in teachers college, it helps the students feel involved."

"Well it made me feel like shit, I hope you're happy."

"I know what it's like okay, struggling with something I feel like I can't control, feeling like it's hopeless, but it's not."

"So you're comparing me to you now?" Ryder scoffs. "I'm not fucked in the head Mr. H."

"Stop being defensive I'm just trying to help."

"Well I didn't ask for your help," Ryder says, his voice breaking.

"Well you're going to get it. I set up an appointment for you with a learning disability specialist on Monday at 3," Ryder clearly wants to argue, but Finn cuts him off before he gets the chance. "And just in case you're thinking about not showing I already talked to your parents."

"Are you fucking serious, how could you do that?" Ryder says , panicked, shooting up from his seat

"Because I know how important it is for you to pass this class Ryder, I see it on your face every time I pass back one of your tests. You're not lazy, you're not stupid, chances are your brain just works a little differently than everyone else's."

"How do you know that I'm not stupid?" Ryder says, thawing a bit.

"Because I read your paper," he explains. "I think you know what you're trying to say Ryder, it's just that you can't quite figure out how to put it into words, that's where you need help, well I'm here, whether you like it or not. I'm not going to fuck you over I promise."

"Dude, did you just say fuck?" Ryder says, knitting his brow in confusion. "What the hell kind of teacher are you?"

"The kind that says fuck," Finn replies.

The younger boy shuffles his feet a little then, his hands shoved in his pockets. Finn can tell he wants to say something but isn't quite sure what.

"Who is that lady? In the picture?" He says, looking at the framed photo of Rachel on his desk.

"She's Rachel," Finn says with a smile on his voice.

"She your wife?"

"Girlfriend, going on eight years now."

"Why don't you marry her? She's hot, like really hot."

"That's not really something I can talk about with you Ryder. You guys already know a lot more about my personal life than I feel comfortable with."

"Is it against the rules? Because I'm pretty sure that swearing and throwing coffee mugs is too." Goddamn it, he knew this kid was smart.

"Marriage leads to children," Finn explains hesitantly.

"But you're a teacher, you must like kids."

"I _do_ like kids," Finn says.

"But you don't want them to be crazy, is that it?"

Finn swallows hard at Ryder's accusation. "It's a little more complicated than that but I guess you can say that's part of it."

"Well, if it means anything you'd probably make a better dad than mine," Ryder says, probably the first nice thing any of these kids has ever said to him, aside from Kitty calling him hot that is. "That's not saying a whole lot but still. Anyway, see you Monday."

As Ryder leaves Finn smiles a bit to himself.

* * *

After going home, getting showered and dressed and getting started on Monday's lesson, he decides to walk to the WCTC playhouse, a bit of a spring in his step. He can't wait to tell Rachel about how class went, she knows he's been a bit disappointed in his class lately, and he really can't wait to see her show, he's a little surprised that he can still get so excited about seeing her onstage. He likes to think seeing her on an actual Broadway stage will be that much sweeter, even if she does have to relive the ghosts of her past to get there. He's been reassuring himself about it for the past month. It's about as tasteful a rape scene as they could probably manage, and she made it through practicing with him okay, so why was he still so worried? He supposes it doesn't help that Samantha Barks already landed the role of Eunice. He brushes the thoughts aside again. This is Rachel's night, she's going to be amazing and if Thibadeaux does come and offer her an audition for Mrs. Slattery then he would be happy for her.

She's was amazing, as usual, possibly even better than usual, watching her up on that stage he had to keep reminding himself that she was a real person, let alone his, and as she emerges from backstage he greets her with a kiss and a tulip in a beautifully decorated ceramic pot. The first time he gave her cut flowers she cried when they started to wilt, he knows that it wasn't really about the flowers, but he still doesn't like to risk it, even if it means their apartment and balcony is overrun with potted flowers that she's named individually at this point, Kurt does enjoy the smell.

"You were fantastic, Finn says, planting a firm kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you, so were you I'm sure," She squeals. "How did class go?"

"Amazing, I sang the song and they only groaned for like the first verse, a few of them actually smiled, it was unbelievable."

"I knew the guitar was a good idea," she says. "I told you, you and I are going to be Broadway's biggest power couple since Taye and Idina."

"I think to be a power couple I have to be famous too," Finn says.

"But you _are _famous, you're famous with the kids of PS 42."

"I wouldn't go that far, but thanks," he says kissing her again. "So, did you see her?" he continues hesitantly. "In the audience, did you see her?"

"You mean _the_ her," Rachel says playfully.

"So she came, she actually came," Finn says, sounding a bit more surprised than he wanted to.

"Of course she came, and now I'm patiently waiting for her to come to me but she's certainly taking her precious time."

"You mean to tell me that she came and you're not practically attacking her right now?" Finn says in disbelief.

"Well, I don't want to come on too strong," She says. "I have to exude a certain confidence."

"Yeah, and how many times have you called her in the past month?"

"27, which means that actually approaching her right now would definitely be coming on too strong."

He knows he shouldn't advise her to go up to Carmen, whom by the way Rachel is staring at her right now and biting her lip is definitely the bespectacled, austere-looking black woman in the Turban and blazer, chatting up Rachel's director, whom according to Rachel is an old friend. He shouldn't tell her to go up to her, because if she does there's no way she's leaving without an audition, if her breathtaking performance wasn't enough, her tenacity would seal the deal, but looking at her face, looking at the hope behind her eyes, he simply can't not.

"Go," Finn says suddenly and simply.

"You think I should?"

"I think she's playing it cool right now, she wants to see if you can be that same amazing girl who's been harassing her for the past few weeks, that's the girl she wants to offer the audition. Go over there and take it."

"Okay," she says taking a deep breath and handing him the potted plant. "Hold Esmeralda."

He can't help but feel a little sad when she goes up to Carmen, he just watches them for a moment. Carmen's face is hard to read, but he has a feeling that's probably always the case. He feels like an eternity has passed when Rachel finally returns to him, her hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes and a beaming smile on her face, and all he can do is smile back.

* * *

"She said that my performance was hauntingly beautiful, can you believe that?" Rachel says swinging his hand back and forth as they walk back to the apartment taking.

"Of course I can believe it, I was there," Finn says. "I'm so proud of you Rachel."

"I audition for Cassandra on Saturday, since most of the cast has already been picked out I might even get to do a chemistry read on the same day, Cassandra July loves to throw curveballs like that. Can you imagine, what if I actually get to read with Samantha Barks? She played Eponine, you know."

"You're going to be great I know it," Finn says, his voice a bit faraway.

"What's wrong sweet baby?" Rachel says, stopping to look up at him. "You're not jealous that Brody Weston will be playing my husband are you? Because you're so much cuter, trust me on that."

"No, it's not that," Finn says sighing.

"Finn, for the last time, I'm going to be okay," she says, sensing what's wrong.

"I know, I know you are, it's my issue, not yours, you know I think you're brilliant and that you can handle any curveball Cassandra July or anyone else throws at you."

"Thank you," she says, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "So what do you want to do? The night is young, I'm going to be famous and life is beautiful," she continues, swinging around a lamp post.

"I have an idea," Finn says slyly, and he takes her hand then and starts to pick up speed.

"Where are you taking me Finn Hudson!" she says, laughter filling her voice.

"It's a surprise just follow me."

It's a short run to their destination, but when they get there they're still a bit tired and winded, needing to catch their breath before Rachel can fully process the nature of Finn's surprise.

"Finn, this is the Rafferty, this place closed down a year ago," she says of the decrepit old theater. "Why are we here?"

"It was where we had our first New York date, it was _A Chorus Line_ I think."

"Actually it was _Anything Goes_, we saw _A Chorus Line_ at the Gershwin."

Whatever, we've seen a lot of plays," he says flippantly. "But do you remember what you said to me after the play?"

She smiles a weak smile. "That's going to be me up there one day," she says sadly. "I guess I'm still a little sad I never got a chance to."

"Says who?" Finn says with a devilish grin and with that he starts to paw through the bushes until he finds what he's looking for, the chain cutter he stole from the super this morning and hid there on his way to work. He cuts the rusted chain in one fell swoop and grabs her hand, leading her inside. He reaches into his pocket for a lighter and uses his cell phone to find the candles lining the back wall.

"Oh my god Finn," She says excitedly as the candles dimly light their way. "Look how beautiful, oh it's so much bigger than I remember."

He wouldn't necessarily call this place beautiful, with all of the cobwebs and dust covering everything, but the shine in her eyes at the sight of it all certainly is.

"Let's hope at least one of these stage lights still work," Finn says as they approach the stage. After helping her up onto it he ventures behind the curtain in search of the stage lights.

"Here we go, he says, pulling the big switch, amazed that one of the lights actually turns on, and even more amazed that it's the one right above Rachel, more evidence that she was meant for the spotlight.

"What do you say Rachel Berry?" Finn says, jumping down from the stage and taking a seat in the front row. "Ready for your Broadway debut?"

As always her smile can light up the darkest of rooms, and the one she's giving him now is no exception.

The Historic Rafferty theatre presents Sondheim's timeless classic Follies, starring the incomparable Rachel Berry.

As she begins to sing I'm still here there's even less doubt in his mind that she was meant for this, and he wants it for her so badly, maybe even as much as she wants it for herself. And he'll be there with her Saturday like he promised, he'll support her no matter what.

_Good times and bum times, I've seen 'em all_

_And, my dear, I'm still here  
Flush velvet sometimes  
Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I'm here_

_I've run the gamut, A to Z  
Three cheers and dammit, C'est la vie  
I got through all of last year, and I'm here  
Lord knows, at least I was there, and I'm here  
Look who's here, I'm still here!_

The sound of his applause echoing off the walls penetrates the deafening silence following her song, and he continues to clap as he ascends the stage, stopping only to embrace her, letting her wrap her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and kiss him hard.

"You're a star Rachel," he whispers into her ear after breaking the kiss. "No matter what happens, no matter what roles you get or don't get, whether you're singing on a Broadway stage or in our living room you'll always be the biggest star on earth, don't you ever forget that okay?"

"Okay, I promise," she says, smiling as she kisses him again. They should leave, sooner or later the cops will know that something is up, but he hopes it will be later as Rachel stares intensely into his eyes as she starts to pull off his tie. At that he walks carefully backstage, Rachel still in his arms, feeling for the stage light as he kisses her. And before they both know it they're on the floor, their clothes serving as blankets that they lie naked upon, kissing each other and exploring each other's bodies like they're both teenagers again. He wants this forever, he wants her forever, no matter what, no matter how hard things get sometimes, no matter how chaotic life is, the one thing that will never change is that he'll love her endlessly.

**A/N: Well Finn and Rachel's careers are both going swimmingly, but this wouldn't be much of a story without conflict, expect this story to get a little depressing in the next few chapters, but no matter how bad things get, you can still look forward to a happy ending. I know I shouldn't tell you that, but I want you to keep reading. And also look forward to more Rachel in the next chapter, I know I've been focusing on Finn a lot, but that's just the way the story is progressing. And one more thing, I know that I said that I wouldn't use Brody because I don't think I've ever hated a character more, but I really can't think of anyone else to use in this particular situation, but I promise not to make him too much more awful than he has the potential to be on the actual show. Stay tuned folks!**


	5. Touched

She doesn't like to shake him awake, or whisper his name over and over again, increasingly louder until his eyes flutter open. For the past seven going on eight years her method of choice has been to climb on top of her sleeping lover, staring down at him and simply waiting for him to feel her weight and sense her presence. But tonight she seriously considers shaking him, she's been sitting on top of him for the past ten minutes and he hasn't so much as stirred. She woke up feeling anxious, and the anxiety is only mounting without Finn awake to talk to, so she modifies her rule just this once.

"Finn," she whispers as she rubs his chest a little. "Finn, are you awake?"

"Pretty sure I was snoring just then," he says groggily, his eyes still closed.

"Good, you _are_ awake," she says, ignoring his statement. "Can you talk to me?"

"What is it babe?"

"My audition is tomorrow," she says then, and she checks the bedside clock reading two in the morning. "Well more like today."

"I know," he says still half sleeping.

"Are you still going to come with me?"

At that he opens one eye, looking up at her. "Rach, are you nervous?"

She nods, biting her lip, and he sits up to face her, placing his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. "You don't have to be nervous baby girl, you know you're going to blow them away."

"I'm not nervous about that," she says, shaking her head, and his expression darkens. "I had that dream again, I haven't had it in years but now it's back and I can't sleep and I don't know what it means."

He remembers the first time she dreamt about the monsters with her attacker's faces, how they chased her through the woods and the last thing that happened before she woke up was her reaching the edge of a tall cliff and the only way to escape them was to jump off. She always wakes up right before she jumps, her body cold and sweaty next to his. He knows what it's like, he has nightmares too.

"Rachel, babe," he says sighing softly. "Come here."

She responds, wrapping her thin arms around his shoulders, letting him hold her.

"You know you don't have to do this right? I won't blame you if you can't go through with it."

"But…" she says, sensing the but.

"But I think you can, and I know you really want this."

"I do, I don't think I've ever wanted anything this much."

"Then I'll be there, I'll be there for your audition and every day you go on." she nods, holding him tighter. "I want you to remember something when you're up there okay?"

"What?" she says, her voice breaking a little, and he doesn't speak, he only kisses her so tenderly it brings tears to her eyes.

"This is what love feels like Rachel," he continues, kissing her tears and stroking her hair softly. "love can't hurt you, or scare you or make you sad, and I need you to remember that when you're up there okay?"

She nods, and gives him a small smile.

"Do you think you can sleep now?" he says, tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear. And he smiles too as she nods, climbing off of his lap and pulling his arm around her as she lies down.

* * *

She looks beautiful in her white linen dress, her hair half up, her lips painted a soft crimson, her nerves seem to be in check for the most part, her palm doesn't sweat as he grasps her hand tightly in his, her breathing is steady, her posture is straight. She's going up against 300 other girls today, and he knows that fact doesn't faze her, and her momentary feelings of doubt seem to have gone by the wayside at least for the moment.

"Okay," she says, breathing deeply before she pulls the heavy door open. Finn takes in his surroundings as they enter, the role calls for a thin, attractive brunette, which the room is naturally full of, some with fair skin, some with blue eyes, some with hair that looks more red than brown. He thinks maybe the tall green eyed one with the freckles, or the one with the bob haircut and the distractingly large chest are probably the prettiest, along with Rachel of course. And the girl practicing her scales in the corner has a nice, clear soprano, but biased or not he still can't help but think Rachel's got this one.

"Can you believe it? If I get this get this role I'll actually get to kiss Brody Weston," A short girl in a black and white dress gushes. "I've been dreaming about this ever since I saw him in _Magic Mike the musical_."

"Oh please Crystal, Brody Weston may be hot but he can't act his way out of a paper bag," says her friend, a curvy blonde who's clearly there for moral support like himself. "The only reason he even got this role is because he's sleeping with the director."

"That's not true, besides, who isn't Cassandra July sleeping with?" Crystal shoots back.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Finn's blood runs cold at the sight of the tall, gorgeous blonde entering the room, or at least she would be gorgeous is it weren't for the perpetually pissed look on her face.

"You, Crystal McCleod?" The icy blonde says, reading her clipboard. "For that little crack, I think I'll see you first, right after you tell your chubby little friend over here to waddle her ass out of here."

Finn swallows hard, her friend was easily a size six, nobody's idea of chubby, he squeezes Rachel's hand tighter. Rachel is the most beautiful girl in the world to him, but he knows that her beauty isn't exactly on the conventional side, a fact he hopes Cassandra can look past, because she's not going to find anyone better. As Cassandra and Crystal McLeod enter the room he puts an arm around Rachel, leading her to two of the few open seats in the room.

It doesn't take five minutes before Crystal McLeod runs out crying.

It feels like hours have passed, and Rachel has remained in pensive silence the whole time, observing her surroundings, he wishes he knew what was on her mind, whether she's still upset by her dream, he doesn't think she is, still he rubs her back soothingly, coaxing a small smile at her.

"I have a good feeling about this Finn," she finally says. "I mean sure, Cassandra July is tough but that's a good thing right? If I can impress her then I can impress anyone."

"Cassandra July won't know what hit her," Finn says, kissing her cheek, making her giggle.

"Rachel Barbra Berry," The cold blonde says as she enters the room again, he knows that directors usually have assistants to call names, but Finn thinks this Cassandra July person probably gets off on watching actors squirm, but Rachel never lets them see her squirm, and now is no exception.

"I'm Rachel Barbra Berry," she says confidently as she stands.

"Perfect," Cassandra says icily. "And who is this?" she continues, nodding toward Finn. "You're not trying to audition are you? Because we already have a perfectly normal sized actor to play our male lead."

"No, I'm just, I'm—"

"This is my Finn," Rachel says, grabbing his hand, cutting him off. "He came to see me read."

"Well Ms. David Schwimmer, I'm not sure why you would want to involve more people to disappoint but I suppose it's just as well. Let's get to it."

They follow behind Cassandra hand in hand, and as the blonde takes her seat Finn bends down to kiss Rachel before sending her up on stage.

"Isn't that sweet?" Cassandra says condescendingly, and Finn blushes a little before he sits behind Cassandra.

"For your vocal audition you will be singing _What's The Use Of Wondering _from Carousel," Cassandra says as Rachel takes her place under the spotlight. "If you don't know the song you can get the hell off of my stage, any questions?"

"No," Rachel says shaking her head. "But before I sing I would like to thank you for this once in a lifetime oppur—

"Ass kissing will get you nowhere with me," Cassandra says, cutting her off. "Sing the song."

"Of course," Rachel says keeping her cool. He wants to say something to this woman, tell her to lay the fuck off, but he saw what happened with Crystal McLeod, so he holds his tongue, besides, Rachel's voice will speak for itself. And she sings, clear and loud, with the perfect amount of vulnerability, and he knows that Cassandra July would have to be made of stone not to fall completely in love.

_Common sense may tell you  
That the ending will be sad,  
And now's the time to break and run away.  
But what's the use of wond'ring  
If the ending will be sad?  
He's your feller and you love him,  
There's nothing more to sa—._

"Thank you, that's quite enough," Cassandra says flippantly, and he can't help himself as she finishes, he has to applaud even if he looks like a total idiot, and the way Cassandra looks back to glare at him, he can tell that's exactly what she's thinking right now.

"Not half bad lady Schwimmer," Cassandra says, looking back toward Rachel. "Why don't you take a minute with your pet giant and I'll call Mr. Weston in for your line read."

The look of elation that reaches Rachel's face at Cassandra's faint praise makes Finn's own face break into an encouraging smile. He can tell by how long the other girls were in there with Cassandra that none of them made it past the song. As Cassandra takes out her cell phone to presumably call Brody Weston Finn meets Rachel in the aisle, hugging her tight.

"You were incredible," he says.

"You really think so?" Rachel beams.

"She said 'not half bad' Rachel," Finn says to her. "I think that actually means a lot coming from her."

"Oh my god I'm so excited, I get to do a line read with an actual Broadway star, do I look nervous? I don't look nervous do I?"

"No, you look beautiful," he assures her.

"I'll second that," Rachel was clearly so excited about the line read that she didn't even notice the handsome young actor enter the room, and as he approaches them her excited smile melts back into her well practiced poker face.

Brody Weston is shorter than him, he notices, but not too many men aren't, he's also muscular, and still considerably bigger than Rachel, but there's nothing immediately intimidating about the man as he comes forward to greet them, his blue eyes are soft and his smile is easy, and he doesn't understand why Rachel tenses a little as he extends his hand for her to shake but he doesn't think anyone notices but him.

"It's very nice to meet you Mr. Weston," Rachel says, shaking his hand. "I'm Rachel Barbra Berry."

"The pleasure is all mine Rachel Barbra Berry." He says, kissing her hand, making her tense again, and Finn's immediate reaction is to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I must say, I'm sure you're very talented but I can't for the life of me understand why you're going out for this role, if I had a wife as hot as you I wouldn't have a lot of use for a mistress, no offense to the lovely Ms. Barks of course."

"This is Finn, this is my boyfriend," Rachel says, her voice a bit more frantic than she probably meant for it to be.

"Nice to meet you Finn," Brody says, and Finn narrows his eyes a little at the shorter man, as he shakes his hand. He has a lot of chutzpah this one, maybe too much for his own good. "Anyway, just relax and try to have fun," Brody continues, turning his attention back to Rachel. "Don't be nervous, you wouldn't be here if you weren't the best of the best okay?"

_She knows she's the best of the best douchebag, nobody knows that better than her, _Finn thinks silently to himself.

"I'm going to go have a little chit chat with Cassandra then we can get started okay?" Brody says before winking at Rachel and peeling off.

"Hey," Finn says rubbing her back again. "You okay?"

"I'm fine why wouldn't I be?" Rachel says quickly, staring after Brody Weston, that same withdrawn look on her face that she gets whenever she's in one of her moods, and this can't happen now, not now, not when she's so close to everything she's ever wanted. He kisses her temple then, trying to bring her back. She can do this, he knows that she can do this, but something is clearly bothering her and he can't let that pass.

"Listen Rachel you don't have to—

"Brody Weston is a bad man," she says under her breath, cutting him off, and before he can ask her what she means by that she ascends the stage again.

"Do you think we can get started?" Rachel says, her voice commanding, and he wishes he knew what the hell was going on, a minute ago she was just fine, excited, happy, now she looks tense and even a little angry, angry at Brody? Sure he was a bit cavalier about hitting on her right in front of him, but aside from being kind of a dick Finn didn't see any reason for the sudden change in her mood he inspired. He doesn't know what to do besides take his seat again, and he rubs his clammy hands on his jeans, hoping that everything will be okay. She looks at Finn, wide-eyed while Brody takes the stage, he mouths to her that he loves her, and smiles warmly, and she smiles back nervously before looking up at Brody.

"Okay, since someone is apparently running things here I guess we should get started," Cassandra says, taking her seat. "Act 3 scene 10, from the top."

Finn buries his forehead in his hand then, of course it would be that scene, he should have known by the way the stage was set up, there were only three key scenes set in a bedroom, and knowing their luck of course it would be the one she was dreading.

"Where have you been Peter?" Rachel says, delivering the first line with gusto. I've been waiting for you all night. I cooked you dinner, I put on my best dress and you didn't even have the decency to call."

"Never mind Martha it's none of your concern," Brody replies.

"None of my concern?" Rachel says, incredulous. "What my husband does with other women is none of my concern now?"

"You don't know what you're talking about okay," Brody shoots back, and Crystal's friend was right, he isn't terrible, but he's nowhere near Rachel's level and that's more than evident right now, upset or not, Rachel's nailing it. "Just let me get some sleep, Jesus."

"You've been messing around with that girl Peter," Rachel says, grabbing him by the shoulder, turning him around to face her. "You've been messing around with girl and you don't even have the common decency to be ashamed about it, how do you think that makes me look?"

"Why don't you shut your goddamned mouth for two seconds Martha!" He yells in her face, making her flinch. And he continues to watch as the scene unfolds, as they yell and fight, and Brody attacks Rachel, pulling her dress down, ripping it, it's one of her favorites, he'll get Kurt to patch it back up for her later. She's amazing, she really is, and as Brody pretends to force her down on the bed, her fear is palpable, it makes him uncomfortable to tell the truth, but he knows that Cassandra will stop it at any moment now, she couldn't even get through Rachel's song, surely she'll stop this. But she doesn't, she continues to watch as Brody attacks Rachel's neck with rough, violent kisses, and squeezes her small breasts and barks obscenities, telling her to shut the fuck up, he doesn't remember that being in the script, nor does he remember Peter putting his hand underneath Martha's skirt, he was only supposed to touch her breasts before everything goes to black.

"That's not in the script," Finn whispers sharply to Cassandra. "He's not supposed to touch her there, that's not in the Script Cassandra."

"Will you please shut up before I kick you out?" Cassandra whispers back.

"Peter, please stop," Rachel cries, and Finn, can't look. She hasn't broken character, so he knows she's okay, but he can't look at this, he looks away, wishing he could beat the shit out of Brody but knowing at the same time that they're simply acting, actors ad-lib, and he hates this but there's nothing he can do.

"Brody please, Brody stop for a second please."

_Oh shit… oh no_

He looks back up at Rachel, her face anguished as she pushes against him and his goddamned hand is still under her skirt and he's still kissing her and she's saying his goddamned name and he's not stopping.

"You have to say scene," Finn pleads to Cassandra, panic in his voice. "She said his name, she broke character. She wouldn't do that unless she weren't comfortable, you have to yell scene."

"Of course she's uncomfortable, we're going for a sense of realism here," Cassandra whispers back.

"But you don't understand—

"If you can't be quiet would you please leave?"

"Brody!" Rachel yells, and Finn can't believe that he isn't stopping, what the fuck is this guy's problem?

"Get the fuck off of her!" Finn yells, and Rachel looks at him, pleading silently. While Brody continues his task, clearly this asshole is as deaf as he is sleazy. The only way he's going to stop him is to pull him off himself, but he's too late, he doesn't even reach the stage before Rachel has grabbed the rotary phone off of the nightstand, quickly and effectively striking him in the side of the head with it.

"Oh my God," Finn whispers under his breath.

"You're vile Peter," Rachel shouts, frantically scrambling up from the bed, tears in her eyes. "You're a vile, evil man and I won't take another minute of your abuse do you hear me? And she's going to find out, sooner or later she'll realize what a pathetic excuse for a man you are."

"What the hell is happening?" Cassandra says frantically, rushing the stage. "Brody are you alright?" But Brody clearly isn't alright, she hit him hard, so hard he's unconscious on the floor. And this isn't Rachel, Rachel would never hurt anyone, but Martha would, if she was pushed too far she would.

"Rachel, baby," Finn says carefully, placing his hands on Rachel's shoulders. "Rachel come back to me, come back sweetheart."

"What the hell?' Brody says, coming to.

"You just assaulted my lead actor, are you insane?" Cassandra shouts vehemently.

"She'll find out Peter," Rachel says softly, her voice faraway. "She'll find out."

"Rachel come back to me," Finn says again, stroking her hair, trying to get her to look at him. "Please baby," and he kisses her then, holding her tight in his arms, he knows she's going to thrash, that she'll fight him, but she doesn't this time, she just looks at him as he breaks the kiss. Her face confused.

"Finn?" She whispers. "What happened, what—

And she looks at Brody and Cassandra, still on the floor, bloody murder in their eyes.

"Oh no," she says her voice choked and quiet, her hands over her mouth. "Brody I'm so sorry."

"Don't you dare apologize to him," Finn seethes. "What the fuck were you thinking?" Finn says, turning his attention to Brody, "she told you to stop."

"It was in the script," Brody Protests.

"You putting your goddamned hand under her skirt wasn't, and she called you by your name, she wasn't acting anymore, you should have stopped."

"So she hits me with a fucking phone?" Brody shoots back.

"You should have stopped," Finn repeats, louder.

"Finn, I don't know what's happening," Rachel says holding him tighter.

"I'll tell you what's going to happen," Cassandra seethes. "You two are going to get off of my stage, right now."

He pulls her tighter into his embrace, not believing how badly things have gone in such a short amount of time. This is all wrong, he wasn't supposed to touch her there, she wasn't prepared for that.

"Come on Rachel," Finn says softly. "Let's get out of here."

**Happy ending, keep thinking happy ending. Stay tuned folks!**


	6. Rest

**Sorry for the short chapter, especially since you had to wait eleven days for it, but I had to end it where I did. And I hope that this doesn't disappoint everybody, but no, Brody is not one of the men who attacked Rachel and her dads. He's just a creeper who gave her a really bad vibe. But don't worry, there will still be plenty of reasons to hate him in this story, this chapter for instance.**

It's times like these he wishes he could drink, alcohol doesn't mesh well with his meds and even if he wasn't on them it probably wouldn't be the best idea, still, if there was ever a time for a good stiff drink it was this one. Instead he lets the hot Earl Grey calm his nerves as he tries and fails to not dwell on the events of the day. He wants to murder Brody, he knows that he didn't know anything about Rachel's past, or her illness or why she was the last person he would want to take those kind of liberties with, but he didn't need to know those things to know that he crossed a line, for no reason other than the fact that he could, and it fills Finn with rage. The worst part is how horrible she feels about hurting him, she shouldn't, she slipped into that dark place again the moment he made her feel her most powerless.

She's still sleeping, she cried herself to sleep the moment she got home, he's happy that she's managing to get some rest, still he wishes she would have talked to him about it, or talked to him at all, but he supposes he can't blame her much, he doesn't really feel like talking either. And he can tell that Kurt still has questions. Finn can see him out of the corner of his eye glancing up from his work at him every five seconds as he mends Rachel's dress. And Finn can't help but be on edge waiting for Kurt to finally speak up.

"What?" Finn says a bit hostilely as Kurt once again looks up at him, he doesn't mean to be rude, but somebody had to say something.

"You know what," Kurt replies.

"Kurt, come on, leave him alone," Blaine says, ever the mediator.

"Blaine he has to talk about this sometime, I mean, this is big, Rachel hasn't had an outburst like this since… ever really."

"It wasn't an outburst," Finn argues. "She never would have hurt him unless she felt threatened, you know that."

"Yes, I know that Rachel isn't a violent person, but Rachel isn't always Rachel either," Kurt replies. "Who was she when she attacked Brody?"

"I don't want to do this Kurt," Finn sighs quietly.

"Kurt, please, just lay off okay," Blaine says a bit more firmly, and Kurt obliges, going back to his sewing. "How is she Finn?" he continues softly.

"How do you think she is?" Finn says, his voice breaking. "She won't let me touch her, she won't talk to me, she won't even look at me. She feels like shit for defending herself against some sleazy asshole, she shouldn't have to feel that way, ever."

"Finn, I think it's commendable that you're always on Rachel's side, really…" Kurt starts, clearly not able to heed Blaine's words for too long.

"But what? Who's side am I supposed to take? It's definitely not his."

"I'm not asking you to take his side," Kurt says. "He crossed a line, I'm not saying that he didn't, but there were other people there, the situation wouldn't have gotten out of hand."

"It was already out of hand Kurt," Finn argues. "Nobody would listen to her."

"So she gives the guy a concussion? Do you honestly think that's a normal reaction to what happened?"

He glares at Kurt a little, making the younger man shrink in his seat, but it's not like Kurt is wrong, and Finn hates the fact that Kurt isn't wrong.

"It wasn't her," Finn says quietly after a few silent moments.

"What?" Kurt replies, looking back up from his task.

"It wasn't Rachel who hit him," Finn clarifies, tears brimming in his eyes. "She was someone else."

"Finn, you don't have to talk about this, it's okay," Blaine says sympathetically.

"No, she's sick Blaine," Finn continues. "And it's something that she's going to have to struggle with probably for the rest of her life, and she deserves more, she deserves better, she deserves to have her dreams and live the life that she wants, but she can't do that can she?"

"Finn," Kurt says, getting up to meet Finn's side. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," he continues as he places a hand on Finn's shoulder.

"You didn't," Finn says, wiping his eyes. "Things aren't easy for me either. If I'm not flipping the hell out I feel like I'm suffocating, but it's been that way for so long it's not so bad anymore, you know, I can live with it. I don't like it, I hate it actually, but I can live with it, what if she can't? I just want her to be happy but what if she can't Kurt?"

"She _is_ happy Finn," Blaine assures him.

"Yeah, today was a bad day," Kurt says. "But I've known Rachel for years, and she's happy, and she _is _better. She slips sometimes but she doesn't live inside of her head the way she used to, she's healing every day."

Finally Finn nods a little. "Yeah, I know. I just… why did he have to do that to her? She didn't need that, this was her chance to prove that she could rise above all of her problems and he just walked all over that, and it just makes me so _angry_"

"You should tell him," Blaine says. "You can't let this pass Finn."

"I plan to," Finn spits. "But she's priority one, I just wish I knew what to say or do to make this better."

"You don't have to say anything, just be there," Kurt offers. "If you want me and Blaine can go catch a movie, you guys kind of seem like you could use some alone time."

Finn nods again, and gives Kurt the closest thing to a smile he can manage.

* * *

She's still curled up in a tiny ball when he enters their makeshift room, but he can't tell if she's still sleeping. He places a gentle hand on her hip and the way she shivers a little answers his question while making his heart sink.

"Rachel, it's me babe, it's only me," He whispers. "You know you can trust me right?"

She doesn't say anything, but the way her head moves up and down from behind makes him feel instantly better.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that happened to you," he continues. And it's only then that she sits up, turning to face him.

"I didn't mean to hurt him," she cries. "I didn't mean to hurt Brody."

"I know," he says, climbing onto the bed with her. "I know you didn't mean to hurt him sweetheart."

"But he just wouldn't stop," she goes on tearfully. "And I just panicked and I went somewhere else."

"Rachel stop, stop it okay." He says, and he cups her face and kisses her trembling lips. "You don't have to apologize, he was way out of line."

"I could have talked to him first, you know, warned him, I just…. I mean I knew that there was something about him that I didn't like but I thought it was my mind just messing with me again like it always does. I didn't know he would do that"

"He shouldn't have, not to anyone," Finn insists. "I get that actors get caught up in the moment but he should have stopped when you told him to Rachel, there's no excuse."

"I just thought today would be so different," she cries. "I thought _I_ was different, but no, I'm never going to just be normal am I?"

As her body starts to tremble with quiet sobs he takes her into his arms, rocking her, rubbing her back up and down. He wishes that everything weren't so messed up, that today could have gone differently, but he can't change what happened today any more than he can change what happened to her when she was fifteen.

"I know what happened to you still hurts you Rachel," He says softly into her ear. "And I just wish that I could take all of that away, carry it for you but I can't. I just need you to know that I love you no matter what happens okay?"

"I know you do," she says, nodding against his shoulder. "I just feel like I make it so hard sometimes."

"Hey, look at me," he says, breaking their embrace and placing a hand under her chin to make her look him in the eye. "There is nothing in the world that's easier for me than loving you, nothing, okay?"

She hesitates for a second before nodding. And they sit there in silence for a second, her looking down at her fingers, him looking at her.

"Do you ever picture it? In your mind, what happened to me that night?"

"I don't want to," he says his voice shaking.

"But do you?" she presses on, and after a bit of hesitation he nods.

"I don't know why, sometimes I just get these flashes that are gone as soon as they come, and sometimes I have dreams, I can't always help it," he admits.

"Sometimes I think about you trying to kill yourself," she admits quietly. "I don't want to either, but I do, I picture the blood, and your face losing color and you starting to fade away, and I just want to hold onto you to remind myself that you're still here, is that how you feel too?"

He nods again, and laces his fingers through hers.

"I _am_ here, and so are you," he says softly. "And we're together and nothing is ever going to change that."

His breath catches as she goes in to kiss him, deeply, with urgency and need, and before he knows it she's taken his hand in hers, guiding it down between her legs. He knew it was a matter of time before she let him be there again, she needs to feel loved and touched in a way that reminds her that everything's okay, that she doesn't need to be afraid, that she can let herself feel. He'll go slow, he won't do anything that she doesn't want, he thinks right now she only wants to feel his hands, the rest will come later.

"You're the only one allowed here," she whispers, touching herself with his hand, and he helps, moving his fingers beneath her panties, gently touching her soft heat as they kiss. And she starts to breathe harder, faster as she controls his hand, moving it deeper.

"Ah! Finn!" she exclaims, pressing her forehead against his and twisting her fingers into his hair with her free hand.

"It's okay," he sighs huskily, pulling her closer into him with his free arm and letting her push his fingers deeper inside of her. "Just let yourself go."

She lets go of his hand then, letting him take over and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding him close, and the sounds of her keening and moaning as he touches her penetrate him completely. She lets him go deeper, sinking two fingers into her wet core and rubbing his thumb back and forth over her clit, he can feel her trembling so hard in his arms and breathing sharply in his ear, and with a few more swift movements of his hand a telltale gasp escapes her lips. She's still shaking and there are tears glistening in her eyes that he kisses away.

"What do you want me to do?" he says huskily. "Just say it and I'll do it, nothing more, nothing less, okay?"

She nods and a ghost of a smile reaches her lips. "Can you take your clothes off?" she asks after a few moments. She doesn't usually ask, she usually does it for him, but he doesn't ask questions. His clothes come off quickly as she stares at him, unmoving.

"Are you going to…"

"No, not yet" she says, cutting him off, and she scoots up closer to him and gently drags her fingers down his bare chest. "I just want to look at you."

"Okay," he agrees, his voice soft.

"You're mine you know," she says, running her small hands over his shoulders and down his arms. "Ever since the first moment I saw you I knew that you were for me."

"I was," he agrees. "I am."

"So you meant what you said right?" she says, her voice breaking. "You won't leave?"

"Never," he replies sincerely and her eyes squeeze shut, forcing more tears out. He pulls her tiny clothed body into his naked one, holding her as she begins to cry again. She'll be messed up over this for awhile, he's prepared for it, Kurt was right, all he can do is just be there.

They fall asleep like that, her curled into his side, his arms circled around her protectively, he won't ever leave her because he can't, because being without her isn't a concept his mind can even process, and he hopes that on some level she knows that. He thinks she does.

He's still sleeping when he hears the loud pounding on the door, and he thinks it must not have been long because it's still light out and he still feels the slightest bit groggy, and he doesn't hear anyone going for the door so Blaine and Kurt must still be out. Rachel is like a stone next to him, and he smiles and kisses her hair before carefully moving out of bed and collecting his clothes as he makes his way toward the door. He's fully dressed by the time he crosses their loft and he takes one more moment to collect himself before sliding the massive door open. He's not sure who he was expecting, being half asleep and all, but at the sight of the two police officers at the door every trace of grogginess is immediately gone.

"Can I help you?" Finn says confusedly, his voice rusty.

"We're looking for a Ms. Rachel Berry," The taller policeman says, and Finn's breath immediately catches.

"No," Finn says simply, shaking his head. "I know what this is about and, no, you're not taking her."

"I'm afraid that's not up to you sir," Tall cop replies calmly, clearly the other guy is simply there for backup, in case Rachel fights. "We're placing her under arrest for the aggravated assault of Brody Weston."

"You're not taking her!" Finn repeats loudly.

"Finn, what's wrong?" he turns his head at the sound of her voice, and tears begin to brim in his eyes at the sight of her, so confused.

"Go back in the room baby, it's okay," Finn says, his voice choked.

"Are you Rachel Berry?" The officer asks, and she sucks in a sharp breath, clearly understanding what's going on. She nods hesitantly and the officer takes a step forward. Finn can't fight a cop, not physically anyway, not without making things worse for the both of them. He has to use his words, he meets Rachel's side quickly, taking her into his arms, protecting her. "Ms. Berry we're afraid you're going to have to come with us," the officer continues, his voice still calm. And Rachel's arms tighten around Finn.

"Please, don't do this," Finn cries. "You don't know the whole story, you weren't there."

"Sir there's no point in you arguing with us," The shorter cop finally says.

"Please," Rachel says desperately, holding Finn ever tighter. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone you have to believe that, you have to."

"This isn't about what we believe," Taller cop replies. "But our statements from Brody Weston and Cassandra July are enough to warrant your arrest, I'm sorry Ms. Berry but you have to come with us. If you resist arrest you'll only make things worse."

She buries her face in Finn's chest then, wetting his shirt.

"Please don't do this," Finn repeats pleadingly, but he knows it's no use as the cop pulls out the handcuffs.

"Finn," she says, looking up at him. "I have to go."

"No," he says, shaking his head. "No, this wasn't your fault."

"I have to," she says again, and she lets go, but he doesn't, still holding her. "I'll be okay, I promise."

She tries to smile, he thinks it's to make him feel better, but nothing can make this better because it's all wrong, Rachel can't go to jail, he can't let this happen, but there's nothing he can do, he can't fight them, he can't run away with her, he can't talk their way out of this, all he can do is let her go. Once more he looks back and forth between the stonefaced cops, once again silently pleading with them to just leave and forget this ever happened, but he knows it won't work, so slowly and hesitantly he loosens his arms, his chest hurting as he does it.

"It's okay sweetheart," she says quietly wiping away his tears with her thumbs, and as she kisses him he closes his eyes, deepening it, and hearing but not seeing the handcuffs close around her wrists, and the taller cop telling her that she has the right to remain silent, and his chest hurts even more. It was supposed to be okay, everything was supposed to be okay but it's not, because they're taking her away from him.

"I love you," she says as she breaks the kiss and he opens his eyes. They're taking her away now, and all he can do is tell her that he loves her too.

**Oh no, Rachel's in trouble. Stay tuned folks!**


	7. The Deep End

**Sorry this is so short, but it was either a short update or no update for another few days, and I hope you prefer this option since you've waited so long already. **

He can't stay still, he can't stop pacing the floor furiously as he clutches the phone to his ear. It's been four hours since he's heard from Rachel, five since they dragged her away looking so scared. She told him she was okay on the phone, her voice shaky and small, tears in it, she was still in holding when she called. Now he doesn't know where she is or how to contact her. They wouldn't let him see her when he went to the precinct, he's surprised he didn't wind up in jail himself considering the scene that he made, but he's home again, and the cops won't tell him anything and he just needs to see her, to hold her in his arms until the world makes sense again. He wishes that Kurt or Blaine would answer their damn phones, he knows that the movies are typically an all-day thing for them, still, he needs to talk to someone, anyone. He's hasn't been this afraid for Rachel since that night in the graveyard, before he even truly knew the extent of her problems, and he just can't stop picturing what she must be going through. He's seen enough cop shows to know that they're probably yelling at her, scaring her, she doesn't like yelling , he knows, he's done his share of yelling himself.

It's the third time he's called in an hour and they still say they can't tell him anything yet, and it makes him want to scream, so he does, he screams at the top of his lungs as he hurls the phone violently through the window, shattering it.

"Finn, what the hell?"

He turns frantically toward the door, he didn't even hear Kurt and Blaine come in, but here they are, staring at him like he has a second head.

"Where the hell were you? It's been almost eight hours," Finn spits.

"We saw two movies then we went out for sushi… Finn did you just break our window?" Kurt says carefully.

"Oh god," Finn says, looking toward the window, realizing what he's done. "Oh no, I have to get my phone what if Rachel tries to call me?" he says, starting past Blaine, but Kurt stops him before he gets too far.

"Finn, have you taken your meds since this morning?" Kurt says seriously.

"Forget my fucking meds Kurt!" Finn snaps, tears welling in his eyes, Kurt doesn't even flinch, he's used to this. "They took her, they took Rachel and they won't even let me fucking talk to her." He's nearly sobbing now, and he knows it's not just because he hasn't taken his pills in twelve hours.

"What do you mean they took Rachel?" Blaine asks, knitting his brow in confusion.

"The cops," Finn says, starting to pace the floor again. "That fucking asshole had her arrested for assault, and they took her."

"Oh god," Kurt says.

"I need my phone," Finn says, starting out the door again, Blaine and Kurt following.

"Finn, it's probably broken, use mine," Blaine says.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Kurt says under his breath.

"It's fine," Blaine says, handing Finn the phone, and he dials again frantically, he barely makes it through the operator's greeting before speaking.

"Hello, this is Finn Hudson again, I just need some kind of update or something, please."

"Mr. Hudson, it's like I told you ten minutes ago—

"No, don't give me that, you know something," Finn seethes, cutting her off

"Mr. Hudson please, I understand that you very upset but—

"You're damn right I'm upset! You can't just take someone's girlfriend and not let her contact anyone for four hours, especially when she didn't do a goddamn thing wrong! Did she tell you that? Did she tell you what that asshole did to her and your still trying to keep her like she's some kind of fucking criminal? Who the fuck are you? Where is my girlfriend you let me fucking talk to her right now!"

"Mr. Hudson please do not shout at me."

"I'm shouting because you're not hearing me, where is Rachel, why the fuck won't they let me talk to her unless they're doing something they don't want me to know about, if one of those asshole cops try to hurt her I swear to god—"

"Finn!" Kurt shouts frantically, stopping Finn's rant in its tracks. Finn's throat hurts from shouting, his chest hurts from breathing so hard, but he ignores it. Kurt keeps his distance, but he can always bring him back into the room with his voice, if only for a moment.

"Fuck," Finn says, pressing end. "They're lying to me, I know it. This isn't happening, this is wrong this is all wrong."

"Finn, it's going to be okay, she's probably still being questioned, these things take a long time," Blaine explains.

"Five fucking hours?" Finn snaps. "What could they possibly have to talk about for five hours?"

"Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now," Kurt starts hesitantly. "But you have got to take your pills Finn, you need to be clear right now."

"What are they doing to her?" Finn says tearfully, ignoring Kurt, his breathing fast and ragged. "What are they doing Kurt? Why won't they just let me talk to her, I haven't talked to her in four hours, anything could have happened by then."

"Nothing is going to happen to Rachel," Kurt assures him. "Once they're done with the interrogation she or her lawyer will contact you about possible bail options and you can take her home, it'll be okay, I promise, but you can't do this Finn, you can't let yourself break down right now, you have to be strong for her. Can you please just take your pills? If not for you then for her, please?"

Tears are still streaming down his face, and he's still hyperventilating, but he manages a sharp nod, sending Kurt into the apartment. He's back out in a matter of moments, a glass of water in one hand and Finn's medication in the other, and Finn takes them both with shaking hands, nearly dropping the medicine on the floor before putting them into his mouth and swallowing them with the usual struggle.

"It's going to be okay Finn, Kurt says comfortingly, rubbing his stepbrothers overheated back.

"You're right," Finn says brokenly, "And if they won't let me talk to her, then I'm going to talk to the sonofabitch responsible for this." And without another word, ignoring Kurt's protests, Finn marches out in a huff, Blaine's phone still clutched in his hand.

* * *

He's not hard to find, The closest hospital is walking distance from both the apartment and the theater where Rachel hit Brody, all he has to do is wait and hope he hasn't left already. It's clear that luck is on his side as Finn spots the actor leaving the main exit, a cab waiting. There are plenty of other taxis outside, it's not difficult for Finn to hail one and ask the cabbie to follow behind. It's clear that there's nowhere Brody wants to be besides the comfort of his home, all the better for Finn to get him alone. The building looks a good deal like their own, no doorman, not smart for a semi famous Broadway actor such as himself, but of course if Brody Weston were smart he never would have messed with his girl. He's as quiet as a soft breeze as he follows him, into the building, through the foyer, ducking behind any space he can the second he thinks Brody might turn his head. The hallway is crowded, some sort of party going on, all the better to stay hidden until the right possible moment. Brody takes the elevator, Finn takes the stairs. He's top floor, there's nowhere else in this building a big shot like Brody would possibly live, he knows it, and like he suspects he exits the elevator just a few short moments after Finn reaches the top floor, there's nobody around this time, Just Finn, just Brody, it's now or never.

"Hey, I want to talk to you," He can see the way Brody tenses at the words as he reaches for his keys, good, he wants him to feel tense right now, it's appropriate.

"What the hell," Brody says quietly, turning to face him, and the shorter man's jaw tightens a little at the sight of Finn. "How did you know where I live?"

"Never mind that," Finn says, thinking it's more effective without an explanation. "Here's what's going to happen Brody," He continues, inching closer to him, his voice calm and still. "You're going to drop the charges against Rachel, you do that, we can forget this whole ugly business ever happened."

"Are you serious?" Brody chuckles. "Do you see what she did?" he points at his forehead, and Finn has to admit it looks bad, a black, blue and yellow monstrosity, but not nearly as bad as he deserves for putting his slimy hands on Rachel.

"Consider yourselves even," Finn says dismissively. "Drop the charges."

"Or what?" Brody scoffs.

"You're not going to win this one Brody," Finn says, moving ever closer. "You were out of line and you know it."

"I'm an actor, I was getting into my character, that's it," Brody explains.

"Well in that case it's perfectly fine that you molested my girlfriend, no harm done, I'll just head on home now," Finn says sarcastically. "But seriously, don't give me that actor crap, you're not that good."

"Haven't you ever heard of adlibbing?" Brody says, and he's clearly still not sorry for what happened and it pisses Finn off beyond description.

"Well let's just say that Rachel was adlibbing when she clocked you in the head with a phone," Finn says flippantly. "Drop the charges."

"I'm not going to do that," Brody protests. "And if you don't get the hell off my doorstep you'll be the next person I'll call the cops on."

"What are you doing Brody?" Finn scoffs. "What are you getting out of this?"

"Justice," Brody says, making Finn chuckle.

"Justice? Against Rachel?" Finn replies. "She's not a criminal Brody, she didn't hurt you because she wanted to."

"No, she hurt me because she's fucking crazy that's why."

Finn's jaw tightens and his fist clenches at the word, because there's no goddamned way he has this much nerve.

"You know I would punch you right now, right in the face, maybe add a few new colors to that bruise of yours, but my meds haven't quite kicked in yet, and I'm thinking if I hit you the first time I just won't be able to stop," Finn says, laughter in his voice.

"Are you threatening me?" Brody says, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm giving you a very fair warning not to fuck with me." Finn replies, taking another intimidating step toward Brody, his voice hard. "My girlfriend isn't crazy, my girlfriend is the best goddamned person in this whole fucked up world actually, but me? Well I'm about as crazy as they come, and if you say one more goddamned thing about my girl then I will finish what she started, are you hearing me?"

He can't help but feel a twinge of delight in the thoroughly terrified look on Brody's face, but it isn't quite terrified enough, and Finn knows that he's not going to get anywhere with this asshole like this.

"Please leave," Brody says, his voice shaking more than he would probably like it to.

"You sleep well Brody," Finn says darkly. This isn't over, Finn thinks to himself before turning to leave, not by a long shot. But he can't end up in jail, he's not going to help Rachel by ending up in the same position as she is, and he feels silently grateful that Kurt force fed him his medication before he went to see Brody, because if he hadn't taken it he may have very well ended up killing him. He just hopes he's giving Brody something to think about.

**I swear I envisioned that scene before I saw the last episode, and yes, part of me wanted to write Finn kicking Brody's ass, but at least I got to see it. Stay tuned folks!**


	8. Stronger

**I really don't even know what to say right now, of course I'm surprised and upset by the news about one of my favorite actors, and I may not know him personally but I absolutely wish him the best and hope he makes it through stronger than ever. Anywhoo, hope you enjoy the new chapter. I am pretty bummed that a lot of my favorite authors here have appeared to move on from finchel or fanfic altogether and I know it seems as if I'm headed that way too, and it's true that my life has taken some exciting turns this year, a new relationship, increased hours at work, fun but stressful independent projects, reconnecting with old friends and making new ones has made it difficult to commit to fanfic the way I used to, but know that I'm absolutely a finchel fan for life and I'll be right there with you when they have their inevitable epic reunion. Until then, I have great plans for this story and I'll try my best to finish it as quickly as possible. Bear with me.**

He falls asleep with Kurt's phone clutched in his hand, how he managed to fall asleep in the first place is beyond him, he must have been far more tired than he thought, and the drugs probably didn't hurt. But when the phone finally rings he's snapped awake immediately nonetheless. It's after midnight and she sounds about as tired as he feels when she speaks, and so sad that he can't help getting choked up himself.

"Rachel, baby, are you alright?" he says brokenly.

"I'm okay," she responds, her voice small.

"Oh my god I was so scared, I didn't know what happened to you."

"They asked me a lot of questions, and I had to wait around for a long time after that before they assigned me a cell, and I'm here now and I'm okay. I'm just…"

She trials off, her voice choked.

"Rachel, I'm right here. You can talk to me babe, just tell me what's going on."

"I just wish I could see you," she cries, nearly inaudible. "I don't like it here Finn."

He has to put the phone down for a second to take a deep breath and wipe his prickly eyes. "It's… It's going to be okay, I promise. I'm going to get you out of there alright?" he says, bringing the phone back up to his ear.

She's quiet for a few moments, and he swallows hard in anticipation, wishing more than anything that she was here right now. He knows that she's only across town but she still feels so far away.

"Rachel? Are you there?" He asks warily.

"Remember Paris Finn?" she says softly.

"Yeah," he says in almost a whisper. Of course he remembers, it was right after college graduation when Rachel surprised him with tickets to Europe, insisting that a girl could take her boyfriend to Europe if she wanted to. She and Blaine had saved the tips they made singing on the streets for months, enough for the four of them. They backpacked for weeks, exploring every surface of an amazing new world, but Rachel's favorite place by far was Paris, he could tell by the ways her eyes lit up the second they stepped off the train. He knows she likes to think about it any time she feels especially low, of that time when the world felt so full of possibilities. "I remember."

"We'll go again one day won't we? Just you and me?" She says, tears in her voice. "And maybe when I'm very famous and rich we can buy a townhouse, somewhere we can go whenever we feel like it, just to get away from the rest of the world you know? Away from the chaos, away from anything and everything that can hurt us or make us sad. Say we'll do that one day Finn."

He clutches the phone tight to his ear, as if trying to hold on to his final shreds of calm. "We will," he assures her. "I promise, but right now we have to focus on getting you out of there."

"You need to sleep," she insists. "I'll be okay here for the night. But you have to get some sleep Finn, you get bad when you don't sleep."

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me."

"Finn, please, please promise me you'll wait until morning."

He swallows hard, he hates it when she gets him to promise her things, not when he knows he won't be able to keep it. Paris he can do, but not this, still he promises anyway.

"I promise baby, I promise I'll try to get some sleep."

It's not exactly a lie, he sleeps on the cab ride over to the 24 hour bail bonds place. And he sleeps while he waits in the dingy office, a lukewarm paper cup of water sitting ignored on the little table in front of him, and he sleeps on the way back to the precinct. It takes the entirety of his last paycheck, plus a little extra sent to him from Burt and Carole. He would have called Shelby too if he had had to, even though that certainly wouldn't have ended well, and he knows that he'll have to talk to her about this eventually, but for now he's relieved to not have to deal with her.

Rachel explodes into his arms so hard and fast it nearly knocks the wind out of him, but he couldn't care less. She looks even smaller than usual, and her face is red and splotchy and she's still wearing his SUNY t-shirt from before, it's thin and she's shivering a little, it was probably freezing in there. He drapes his jacket over her little shoulders and wraps her in his giant embrace, resting his cheek against her hair and breathing her in.

"You okay baby girl?" he says softly, and she nods against his chest, wetting his shirt with her tears.

"You lied to me," she says, her voice as playful as it can be right now.

"I think you knew I was though, didn't you?"

She nods again and hugs him tighter.

"Come on," he says, releasing her. "Let's go home."

* * *

Kurt has chamomile tea and breakfast waiting for them on the counter, and he and Blaine both shoot up from their places on the couch to greet Rachel with big hugs and soothing words, and it's times like these he knows that Rachel is right every time she insists how much Kurt and Blaine love them, in spite of Kurt's unsubtle approach to trying to get them to move out.

"My god girl what did they do to you in there?" Kurt says, rubbing her arms up and down.

"Nothing," she insists. "I mean it wasn't exactly like being interrogated by Santa Claus but they were mostly professional."

"Well you must be starving," Blaine says. And she nods.

"They have no vegan alternative in jail."

After eating in near silence and separating to their respective corners of the loft, Finn and Rachel face each other, unsure of what to say or do. He knows that it's not over, far from it, because Brody didn't seem like the type that could be reasoned with , and if he had his way, Rachel would be either sent to jail or to another hospital, and the thought of either one made Finn feel sick to his stomach.

"I'm so sorry," Finn says in a soft sigh. "I'm sorry this happened to you."

She doesn't answer as she inches toward him and cups his face in her hands, and she brings him down gently to kiss her.

"You had an episode didn't you?" she says softly as their lips part.

"It wasn't…"

"Don't lie to me," she says cutting him off. "I know you did because the window is taped over. And I had to call Kurt's phone to reach you." He loves that she's so smart but it makes it hard to trick her sometimes. "You didn't take your pills after I left, Kurt had to force you didn't he?"

"Rachel you can't worry about _me_ right now."

"I'm always worried about you!" she snaps, making him flinch a little. "Always. And what happens if they send me away, what happens if I go to jail?"

"You won't."

"You don't know that," she argues. "You can't let yourself fall apart because I'm not around, you have to be stronger than that, you _are_ stronger than that."

"I know," He says miserably. "I just, I wasn't thinking okay, I'm sorry."

She hugs him tight around the waist, pressing her ear to his heart. "I love you so much Finn."

"I love you too," he replies.

"I smell like jail," Rachel says, pulling his oversized shirt up off of her tiny body. "Come on," she continues, taking his hand.

The hot water feels good against his skin, soothing away the stress of the day that the short amount of sleep couldn't conquer, and it appears to be helping her too, she closes her eyes as she lets the water cascade down the small curves of her body, and she begins to sigh softly as he puts his strong hands on her skin, caressing her softly as he puts his mouth against her neck, kissing her there.

"I'm so glad you're home," he whispers softly into her ear, and he can hear a smile in her voice when she repeats the words back to him.

* * *

The last time he woke up with his arms wrapped around Rachel like this she was taken away before he could blink the sleep out of his eyes. He's grateful to be off today, he wants to savor this as much as he can. He still doesn't know what's going to happen, what kind of shitstorm is about to hit, but they have now. At the sight of her still sleeping form enveloped in his arms he smiles a little and closes his eyes again. But before he can settle in again too much he hears that sound again, that terrifying sound that he'll continue to dread until all of this is over. She must still be exhausted, she doesn't even stir at the sound of the door, and only just a little when he carefully climbs out of bed to answer it.

He should feel relieved that it isn't the cops again, but still, at the sight of Shelby's steely gaze burning into him as he answers the door he can't help but swallow hard. It was really only a matter of time before she found out.

"Where is she Finn?" Shelby asks, her voice hard.

"She's sleeping, she's okay," Finn assures her.

"Well I suppose I'll just have to wait until she wakes up," Shelby says, letting herself in. He tries to wrap his mind around how she could have possibly gotten to New York so fast, then he checks the clock and realizes that it's nearly 2 pm, they really must have been tired.

"So were you ever planning to tell me that Rachel was arrested for assault or did that just slip your mind?" Shelby continues.

"It barely happened Shelby, we were going to tell you, honest."

"Then why did I have to hear it from your mother this morning Finn." Shelby replies. "When I allowed Rachel to come here with you it was under the condition that I would be notified when something like this happens."

"We were going to tell you," he repeats more firmly.

"And what were you thinking letting her audition for that part in the first place?" she continues. "Surely you must have known that something like this would happen."

"Of course I had my concerns, but it wasn't up to me to stop her. She wanted it so badly, and she was getting so much better I just thought that it would be okay," Finn explains shamefully.

"Finn, listen to me," Shelby says gently. "I know that you think Rachel is this strong person who can handle anything, including this city and the pressure of trying to make it in an extremely unforgiving business, but—

"So you're saying Rachel isn't strong?" Finn interrupts, knitting his brow in disbelief.

"I'm saying there are some things that can't be overcome Finn, it's why I insisted on being kept in the loop so that when something like this happened I could take the necessary measures. To be perfectly honest I'm surprised it's taken this long.

He swallows hard at the comment. "What are the necessary measures Shelby?"

"Finn, I know you love Rachel, we all love Rachel, but sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that everything's not okay with her, and the sooner you can do that the sooner we can all move on."

He knits his brow in disbelief, finally understanding what Shelby's getting at. "Are you saying you want to take her back to Ohio?"

"Finn, do you remember when we first met?" Shelby says, her voice softening. "Do you remember what you told me?"

"I told you that she needed you but—

"You did the selfless thing," Shelby said, you thought about her well being over yours and I'm asking you to do that now."

"By taking her away from the city she loves, from her home?"

"I have legal conservatorship over her, technically her home is with me," Shelby says.

"We have a good life here Shelby," Finn says firmly. "I have a good job, we—

"_You_ have a good job Finn, what about Rachel? What can she do here besides sing on street corners with your little friend?"

"They made 30,000 dollars last year… each." Finn argues, taking mild satisfaction in the look of surprise on Shelby's face. "I know you don't believe me, but we do okay."

"That may very well be Finn, but this isn't just about money. Rachel could go to prison, do you have any idea how serious this is?"

"Of course I do," Finn admits, his jaw tight.

"If heaven help us the charges are dropped or she's acquitted I just think the best thing for everyone involved is to make sure something like this doesn't happen again, what if it's worse next time, what if she had killed him? You need to consider these things and I really don't think you do."

"So what, you're saying I'm enabling her or something?" Finn scoffs.

"No, that's not what I'm saying, I'm saying that your love for Rachel is making you blind to the fact that she's still sick, that's what I'm saying, and I don't want to wait around until you realize that that love isn't always going to be enough."

"That'll never happen," Finn insists. "What I feel for Rachel isn't just love, it's deeper than that, it's—

"Codependence?" Shelby says, cutting him off.

"No, you're wrong," Finn argues, shaking his head.

"I don't think I am," Shelby replies. "I think you've always relied on each other too much and it isn't healthy Finn, it isn't reality. And what's going to happen when you finally do come to terms with a reality that she'll never be able to face?"

"What are you even talking about?" Finn says, getting noticeably upset.

"I'm talking about you, and how well you're doing Finn. You've managed to control your illness in a way that she can't, and that's admirable, it really is, but how long do you honestly see yourself carrying on like this? Don't you want a life Finn? Don't you want success? Children?"

"I don't want any of those things if I can't have them with her," Finn protests.

"So you're admitting that you can't have children with Rachel?"

"That's not what I'm saying, you're putting words in my mouth."

"So you _do_ think that Rachel can be a mother, with all of her problems you think that's something that she can deal with?"

His breath starts to speed up as he becomes increasingly flustered, he knows what she's doing, she's trying to get him to admit that he and Rachel could never work in the long run, but he can't believe that, he won't believe that. He came to terms with the fact that they probably couldn't have children a long time ago. He could accept a life without kids, but not without Rachel. And he had to make Shelby see that.

"I can't be without Rachel, you can't ask me to do that," Finn says brokenly. "And you can't take her back to Ohio, she doesn't belong there. She belongs here, with me, with us. We're her family Shelby, we love her."

"Finn, I'm not trying to upset you," Shelby says raising her hands defensively. "I just wanted you to think about what kind of future she has here. Have you even talked to her about marriage, or any of that?"

The truth is he knows that she's thought about it, and maybe the reason it's never come up is because she knows deep down that neither of them are equipped to handle a baby.

"Rachel knows that I love her," he insists.

"That's not what I'm—

"Shelby?"

They both turn their heads to the sight of Rachel standing there, a confused look on her face. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," Shelby says, forcing a weak smile. "I came to see how you are, I know it's been awhile."

"I'm fine," Rachel says, the confused look persisting. "I mean things could be better, obviously."

"Well, I've contacted your lawyer in New York, and your psychiatrist of course. Now I think—

"Wait, back up, why her psychiatrist?" Finn says, cutting her off.

"If we expect to win this thing and keep Rachel out of jail we need to make a case for her being mentally unsound at the time of the attack."

"First of all it wasn't an attack," Finn says. "Second of all, all we'd be doing by claiming that Rachel's mentally unsound is getting her sent to rot in another hospital, is that really what you want?"

"If it means keeping her out of jail then yes."

"Rachel doesn't belong in a hospital, she's not dangerous Shelby."

"Then what do you suggest we do?"

"Tell the truth," Finn protests. "That Brody guy was in the wrong and Rachel was defending herself, I was there Shelby, you weren't."

"And I think me not being there was a big part of the problem if we're being perfectly honest—

"Okay can you two just stop!" Rachel snaps. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here, I'm standing right here."

At that Finn stands up from his chair and goes to her. "I'm sorry, you're right."

"Rachel honey we're just trying to do what's best for you," Shelby says, somewhat apologetically.

"I don't want to go to Jail Finn," Rachel says, looking up at Finn, and he inhales sharply at the words. "But I don't want to go to another hospital either, and I don't think I deserve to." she continues. "I know what happened, acting or not, Brody touched me in a place that he really, really shouldn't have, he took advantage and that was wrong, and if he won't drop the charges then I'm going to fight him. That's my choice."

"And I'm standing by you," Finn says, kissing her on the temple.

"Rachel, think about this," Shelby reasons. "What if the judge doesn't see it that way?"

"Then the judge is wrong," Rachel shoots back. "I know who I am okay, I know that I feel things too much and I get sad and scared and crazy sometimes, I know that, but that doesn't change the fact that he was wrong not to stop when I told him to."

"Rachel, this isn't going to be easy, it's going to be really hard, I just want to make sure that you're ready for this."

She takes his hand then, squeezing it gently.

"I'm ready."

**Stay tuned folks!**


	9. Snapped

**Get ready for some Rachel POV here, I'm sure some of you were hoping for that.**

Her knee shakes almost uncontrollably as she waits outside the office, all he can do is squeeze it gently, stilling her for a moment, he's not sure what to say, but he can tell by her warm smile that him just being there is enough. Sue Sylvester has been Rachel's lawyer ever since she moved to New York, though she has yet to actually meet the woman her aunt has on standby should something go wrong, because before now nothing ever has. He doesn't want Rachel to know how nervous he is about meeting her, because the truth is he's not even sure why he is. This is the woman who will have a big hand in Rachel's fate, sure, but by all accounts she knows what she's doing, her success rate is nearly flawless and she has a history of helping emotionally troubled people like Rachel, still, he can't keep his hands from sweating or his heart from pounding offbeat.

"Ms. Sylvester will see you now," the secretary says after what feels like a lifetime of waiting. They go in hand in hand.

"Sit, please," Sue offers. She's an older woman, with short cropped blonde hair and a stare as cold as her overly air conditioned office. They obey, each taking a seat across her desk.

"Before we get started can I ask just what exactly he's doing here?"

"Me?" Finn asks, confused.

"Unless you see another _he_ here, I'm perfectly aware of your history Mr. Hudson," she quips drily.

"He's my key witness," Rachel explains. "He saw everything."

"I see," Sue says coldly. "If it's all the same I think my time will be better served speaking with Rachel alone. You and I will have words later."

"I'll be okay Finn," Rachel says, turning to face him. He wants to protest, but he knows that this isn't his fight, so he lets out a deep sigh and leans across his chair to kiss Rachel chastely on the mouth.

"I'll be right outside okay," he murmurs quietly before stepping out.

As soon as he leaves her leg begins to bounce again, she wishes it would stop, but Finn has always had a way of calming her down just by being close. She bites her lip a little and takes a few deep breaths, forcing her body still.

"So, what's a tiny, unassuming thing like you doing in my office?" Sue asks. "I expected someone a tad more threatening when I heard assault charges."

"I didn't assault Mr. Weston," Rachel says firmly. "I mean, I hit him, yes but it was not unprovoked."

"I'm not the one you need to convince," Sue continues. "This is a respected professional with no history of wrongdoing with one of the most noteworthy Broadway directors working today fully in his corner, against you, a nobody with a history of mental illness and a key witness who's prone to violent outbursts himself, what's your case?"

She swallows hard at the question, but keeps her composure.

"Brody Weston may be a respected professional, but that doesn't mean he can just do whatever he wants to whoever he wants without consequence."

"So you don't think you overreacted just a tad?"

No, I don't believe I did, I think it was clear to everyone in that room, including Mr. Weston himself that I was very uncomfortable, I was no longer acting and he should have respected my boundaries."

"So you're sure that that little head condition of yours wasn't at fault for this?"

"In 23 years I've never once laid a violent hand on anyone, even after my diagnosis –

"Which was?"

She looks down at the floor a little at her question, wringing her hands, she doesn't like talking about her problems like this, like there's some sort of scientific impossibility that she'll ever be okay. "Don't you know?"

"I'd rather hear it from you."

She takes a deep breath before talking, but finds that the words still come out quiet and muddled.

"Severe post traumatic stress disorder, psychosis, dissociative personality disorder, delusionary paranoid schizophrenia," she offers.

"Quite a laundry list of disorders there."

"I don't want to go back," Rachel says suddenly, tears beading in her eyes a little. "I can't go back."

"To the hospital?" Ms. Sylvester guesses, to which Rachel nods.

"I know my aunt wants me to go for the insanity defense, that's probably what she told you too, but I can't go back there, I'm not a violent person, I'm not. Anyone can tell you."

"Rachel, don't you think that a hospital is better than jail?"

"It wasn't my fault," Rachel continues, still crying. "I mean, I tried to push him off, I couldn't, he was too big and Cassandra wasn't doing anything and he wouldn't even listen to Finn, what was I supposed to do… what would you have done?"

Sue remains expressionless as she stares across her desk at Rachel. "To tell the honest truth, I probably wouldn't have stopped at the phone."

At the lawyer's words Rachel smiles a little through her tears. "Do you think you can help me?"

"If I can't than I wouldn't be very good at my job would I?" She says. "I just want you to be prepared, this guy's lawyer is going to do everything in his power to make you look aggressive and unstable.

"I'm not, I'm better now, I have been for some time. I mean things aren't perfect, but they're okay, _I'm_ okay."

"I believe you, but again, I'm not the one you have to convince, and I have to say I'm not sure if that boyfriend of yours is going to help your case."

"Finn?" Rachel says timidly.

"Can you answer me this Rachel, what do you think Finn would have done if you hadn't struck Mr. Weston?"

Part of her knew that that question was coming, still, she didn't know quite how to answer it. She remembers his face when she looked at him helplessly from the stage, Brody's hand under her skirt, she remembers the fury behind his eyes, the same look he got that time in the alley, the same look he got before he beat up Jesse St. James in group, that look that signaled that he was a second away from snapping.

"Rachel, it's just you and me, none of this is going to be used in court unless I think it will help you, what would he have done?" Ms. Sylvester continues.

"He would have hurt him," Rachel says quietly. "Probably a lot worse than I did. I mean, his illness is very unpredictable, most days he's fine but sometimes, even on the pills, he gets so… and he has triggers just like me, somebody threatening me, that's a really big trigger."

"So are you saying that you were trying to _help _Mr. Weston?" Ms. Sylvester asks incredulously.

At that Rachel meets Ms. Sylvester's gaze again, her face hard.

"I couldn't care less about helping Brody, he means nothing to me, he is nothing," she says angrily, meaning every word as she once again tries to force the memory of Brody's cold hands on her body out of her mind.

"So you weren't trying to protect him?"

"I was trying to protect Finn," Rachel admits. "I mean, it was a snap reaction, but I knew after it happened that it wasn't just about Brody… touching me" she continues, shuddering a little at the last part.

"I see," Ms. Sylvester says coolly. "Rachel, has Finn ever hit you?"

"No!" Rachel says frantically, as if she can't even believe the question. "No, he would never hurt me, _ever_. He loves me very much and he's never been anything but gentle and careful with me, I promise you that."

"I believe you," Sue says. "And if his record is any indication he's never laid a hand on anyone who wasn't asking for it."

"But?" Rachel says, sensing the hesitance in her voice.

"It still scares you sometimes doesn't it? Like that time in the alley."

Rachel's eyes go wide then, she never thought that she would bring that up. "There weren't even any charges filed I mean, how did you…"

"Your aunt told me a couple of years back, she also told me that that you were thinking about leaving."

"New York," Rachel explains. "Not Finn, I would have taken him with me, I love him, I do. I just… I didn't know if he could handle it after that. But it was a long time ago, almost three years."

"What changed?"

"_He_ did, I think on some level he knew that he had to if he was ever going to teach, and if we were going to stay in the city. He started going to therapy again, avoiding certain situations, just anything he had to do to keep himself centered, and everybody could see the change, even my aunt, and I was so proud of him and I still am. But nothing like what happened with Brody ever happened before, I didn't know if he would fall back into that dark place again and end up losing everything he's worked so hard for. I just, I didn't know."

It's true, she worries about him all the time, even now, even with him being more in control than ever, just like she knows he worries about her. That night is hard to forget, it was their first month in New York and things had been going well, Finn had enrolled in the state university of New York to finish getting his bachelor's degree and Rachel was already steadfastly going after any and every audition she could. They made ends meet the best they could, Finn with his after school tutoring, Rachel busking by day with Blaine and waiting tables by night. Finn knew that his mother had talked Kurt into coming along, and wherever Kurt went Blaine followed, but it wasn't like either of them were complaining, New York was definitely their kind of place, and the four of them had managed to score a spacious warehouse space with their combined income. In fact they even had a bit of money to spare every now and then, not much of course, but enough for Finn to take Rachel to a play every now and then, that night they had caught a small off Broadway performance of Rent

_Living in America! At the end of the Millenium! Living in America! Where it's like the twilight Zone!_

_"Finn!" Rachel giggled, nudging him quiet. "People are sleeping."_

_"Come on baby this is the city that never sleeps," Finn said confidently as they made their way down the nearly deserted street. It was nearly three AM and they had just spent the last four hours ignoring their sushi, and talking about everything, music, the city, their dreams, the future, how everything seemed possible suddenly, but they were both tired and they had to go home sometime. "Sing with me."_

_"When you're living in America at the end of the millennium! You're what you own!" Finn continues, Rachel following suit._

_"Shut up!" cried a man from his apartment._

_"Hey, this is a free country buddy!" Finn shouted back._

_"I'm trying to sleep!" the man yelled back._

_"And I'm trying to sing a Broadway classic!"_

_"Yeah!" Rachel shouted up. "Let the man sing!"_

_"Thanks baby," Finn said, smiling warmly and squeezing her hand._

_"I'm going to call the cops!"_

_"Okay, maybe we should go," Finn said, his eyes wide. "Alright, we can tell when we're not wanted, we'll go!" Finn shouted back up. "He lives in New York you'd think he'd have just a shred of culture," he continues grabbing Rachel's hand, feeling her shiver a little._

_"What's the matter babe, are you cold?" Finn said, starting to remove his jacket._

_"No, I'm alright, I just had kind of a bad feeling just then._

_"About wha—_

_"Give me your money, all of it," a raspy voice from behind demanded, making their blood run cold in their veins. They turned slowly to face the man threatening them and at the sight of him it was easy to see where Rachel got her bad feeling. He was obviously a drug addict, wild eyes, clothes and hair caked with dirt and grease, skinny, shaking, there was no real telling what he might do, especially with the knife clutched in his hand._

_"We don't want any trouble," Finn said stepping in front of Rachel, she could tell that he was trying to keep his voice calm, but there was something behind it that suggested the very opposite of calm, it wasn't nerves, it was anger._

_"Finn, what do we do?" Rachel shrieked, crying and clutching him._

_"Here," Finn said reaching into his pocket and pulling out his wallet, handing it over, there was 27 dollars in cash in there, nothing worth holding on to._

_"And the lady's necklace," the man said, reaching past Finn, grabbing for Rachel's necklace, the one with the little star he gave her their first Christmas as a couple, she clutched him harder, crying out as he came close to grabbing the necklace away, not able to get a hold of it before Finn could step further in front of her, protecting her._

_"Walk away," He seethed. "take the money and walk the hell away," he continued, his voice shaking with rage._

_"Give me the fucking necklace!" The man yelled frantically, swiping the knife at the air, but before he could hit Finn he grabbed the man's skinny wrist, squeezing it hard, making the knife fall out of his grasp, following the action with a quick effective blow to the face. And before Rachel even knew what was happening Finn was on top of the man, delivering solid punches to his face, over and over, slamming his head against the concrete._

_"Finn!" Rachel screamed but he barely heard her, it was like he couldn't stop hitting him, even when he stopped fighting back._

_"Stay away from her, stay the fuck away from her you piece of shit!" Finn yelled, but the man couldn't hear him anymore._

_"Finn stop!" Rachel cried, grabbing his arm, finally stilling him. He was unconscious, he'd beaten him unconscious. She threw her arms around Finn then, rocking him a little, feeling how his body was shaking, how hard he was breathing, and as she kissed his overheated cheek she could taste his tears._

_"It's okay," Rachel murmured into his ear, stroking his hair. "You're okay, it's going to be okay."_

_"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you," Finn cried, holding her close, crying into her neck and muffling his voice. "Ever."_

_"Finn we have to go," she said, breaking the embrace and cupping his tear streaked face in her hands. "Someone will help him but we have to go home." He nodded, and she kissed him tenderly and sweetly, letting him wrap his arms around her small body._

_She'd cleaned the blood from his knuckles that night, and the blood that had splashed onto his face, and undressed him quietly and put his bloodied clothes in the wash, and cradled him as he slept and she didn't, wondering just how much further it would have gone if she hadn't stopped him._

"I didn't know he was having an episode," Rachel explains tearfully. "He hadn't had one in so long, and it's not like Finn had never sang in public before."

"Was the man okay?" Sue asks

"I think so," Rachel replies. "He was breathing, and he had started to stir a little when we started home."

"It sounds like you were more afraid of Finn than the mugger."

"I'm not afraid of Finn," she reiterates without hesitation. "I'm afraid _for_ Finn. I don't want him to hurt himself again, or someone else, I just want him to be okay, I want us both to be okay, but it doesn't work that way, we're always going to struggle."

"Mental illness is a harsh mistress," Sue says ponderously. "But he's a teacher and by all accounts a good one, and you pull your own weight and contribute to society just like everyone else, and I don't think that either of you deserve to be locked up because of something some perverted creep did."

"It's nice to have a lawyer who believes me," Rachel says, smiling warmly.

"It's nice to have a client that I can believe," Sue responds.

"You're not going to say anything about this in court are you? I mean Finn,"

"Finn has nothing to worry about, granted you were trying to keep your boyfriend from killing a man by superficially injuring him instead is a pretty solid defense—

"That's not the only reas—

"But," Sue says, cutting her off again. "I don't believe in taking the easy way out. Your secret's safe with me."

* * *

They walk back to the loft, hand in hand like always, and Finn can't help but wonder why she's so quiet, and whether it has something to do with what her and Sue talked about when they were alone.

"Rach? Are you okay," he says, squeezing her hand.

"I'm fine all things considered," she says a little distantly. "What about you, are you okay? What did you and Sue talk about?"

"She just asked me what happened that day, how I felt about it and stuff."

"She didn't say anything about you, about your past?" Rachel asks.

"No, why would she?"

"Finn, do you think I worry about you too much?" Rachel says after a few ponderous moments.

"I think when you first met me I had just tried to kill myself," Finn says after thinking over her question. "I get why you worry sometimes. But I'm okay, I have been for awhile now."

"But you were before too, for a long time and then you nearly beat a man to death."

"Rachel, that was three years ago, I'm better now, I'm in therapy every week you know that."

"I know, I know you're better, but I also know that there are certain situations you've avoided since that happened, what would you have done to Brody if I hadn't hit him first?"

He stops in his tracks, realizing what she's getting at. "Wait, Rachel, what are you saying?"

"Answer me, what would you have done in that moment?"

He hesitates. "I don't… I don't know," he says darkly. "I don't know what I would have done."

She doesn't answer, and he doesn't say anyhing more, but his face says it all.

"Rachel, are you saying that you were trying to protect me?" Finn finally replies. "That's why you hit him?"

"When he did what he did, I didn't like it Finn," she ecplains. "And you knew that, I could see it in your face and all I could picture then were these men in white jackets taking you away from me, and from your students and from the life you worked so hard for, and leaving me without you, the one person that I can't live without, and I just… I snapped… I'm sorry"

"Rachel," Finn sighs pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't care why you did what you did okay, whether it was to protect yourself, or to protect me or whatever, they're trying to take you away from _me_ now, and goddamnit I can't live without you either."

"Don't say that Finn—

"Shh, just stop okay," he says, facing her, gently grabbing her arms. "Every time I've had to tell you or tell other people that you weren't crazy, I've always believed it, you're not, I don't care what the books or the doctors say. You had something terrible happen to you Rachel and you deal with it the best way you can. Me? I've never had that. My life was perfect and I tried to beat up my stepdad and kill myself, I'm the crazy one Rachel, and I want so much to not be that, I want to just be strong for you, but you're the one who has to be strong for me and you deserve so much more than that."

"Finn, that's not true." She cries.

"Yes it is, it is true but I'm trying, I am. When you were in jail I went to see Brody."

"What? Finn—

"And I wanted to kill him," he vents, cutting her off "But I didn't, I didn't hurt him, I walked away, but if it weren't for the drugs I probably would have, and if you hadn't hit Brody with that phone…" he's nearly sobbing now and she steps forward and wraps his arms around him.

"I am not going to let you go to jail or to a hospital, especially not because of me." He continues, holding her back.

"Finn, I'm not bringing you into this, whatever my reasons were I'm the one who hit him, I made my bed and I don't have nearly as much to lose."

"Rachel, you're not going to lose anything," he assures her.

"And neither am I."

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	10. Dark Moments In History

**Holy hell was I blocked on this chapter, I think the main reason is that there is a pretty major plot element that I was seriously debating whether or not to include, well actually I was always going to include it but I didn't know whether to put it in the last chapter or epilogue or throw it in the middle of the story as a major plot point. Of course, angst whore that I am I decided on the latter, I just hope that you approve of the decision and don't think that there will be too much going on in this fic because of it. In any case thank you for being so patient.**

She was up all night, she tried to pretend that she wasn't but he could tell. The thought of being up on that stand terrifies her, the thought of them asking questions about her past is what is especially unnerving. Sue warned them that they would try to make her look crazy, that going for the insanity defense worked less than one percent of the time and that making her look unstable would only work in Brody's favor. Honestly it didn't matter whether they thought she was crazy or simply malicious, she would still end up somewhere far away from him if her actions weren't considered justified. It was the only way.

He could barely focus in his first two classes that day, the truth is he hadn't been able to focus for the past several days. He doesn't notice a lot of things that happen at PS 42 since Rachel's arrest. He doesn't notice that his students have come to class on time every day for two weeks, he doesn't notice that the lowest grade on the last quiz was a D minus, he doesn't notice that Ryder raises his hand to answer a question three days in a row and that he answers correctly twice. Sure he knows that these things are happening, he sees them happening, he processes them happening, he doles out the necessary 'good job' and nice work and 'high five' every time, but he can't bring himself to feel excited, or inspired or proud, aside from worried and sad and ashamed he doesn't feel much of anything, and he knows deep down that his students can tell. He doesn't talk about Rachel in class, not even really when they ask, and they do ask because these kids have never understood boundaries. He doesn't mind them asking, it's actually nice knowing that they care, but he still can't bring himself to talk about what's going on.

"Okay, you're going to turn your books to chapter 6," Finn says upon entering his classroom.

"Mr. Hudson, we finished chapter six yesterday," Kitty reminds him, rolling her eyes a little. "And I'm sure it will be every bit as boring the second time."

"Sorry," Finn says, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Sorry, I meant chapter seven." They oblige. And he uncaps his pen, writing _reconstruction_ on the board.

"Mr. Hudson I thought we were still on the Civil War," Ryder chimes in.

"Do you want to teach this class?" Finn snaps, regretting it instantly as Ryder shrinks down in his seat.

"I'm sorry," Finn sighs. "I didn't mean to lash out like that."

"Mr. Hudson, did you take your meds this morning? Because I don't think any of us want to get hit by any mugs today," Kitty says, an unexpected softness in her tone.

"Yeah, it's not that, honest." He says, and he notices how troubled they all look, and he hates people worrying about him for any reason, it's all Rachel or Kurt or his parents ever did.

"Why do we study History, can anyone tell me?" Finn suddenly says, getting an idea.

"Because teachers live to torture us," Jake says sullenly.

"Well yeah," Finn jokes, "But there's another, more important reason. Listen, I want you all to do something and it's going to seem a little strange but just trust me okay."

They hesitantly nod and Finn continues.

"Everybody take your desks and move them into a big circle around the room," Finn continues, and even as they look baffled they begin to move their desks, it takes about five minutes to arrange them in just the right way so they fit without creating a fire hazard.

"Today we're going to talk about our own history, because we study history to learn from it right? And to keep the bad things from repeating themselves."

"Is this like a therapy session?" Kitty quips.

"It's a lesson, just trust me okay," Finn says. "We're going to start with Ryder, what is a moment in your own history that you would never want to live through again?"

"Do I have to?" Ryder murmurs.

"No, not if you don't want to, but I know that teenagers love to talk about themselves so I'm sure that one of you would like to get us started."

It takes a few moments, a few long moments, but somebody finally raises their hand, it's the girl from the first day, the girl trying to break up the fight, he doesn't know much about her because she barely says anything in class, only when she's called on really, but her average is a solid B plus and her name is Marley Rose, and she seems nice enough.

"Marley, go ahead," Finn says, and she seems a bit surprised that he even knows her name.

"It was last semester," she starts. "I was the only freshmen to get a lead role in the school play, and it wasn't just a lead role, it was _the_ lead role."

"Which you botched quite thoroughly I might add," Kitty says snarkily.

"Kitty, enough," Finn says sternly. "Go on."

"Anyway," Marley continues. "I was so excited, and so nervous, I wanted more than anything to be perfect, to make my mom proud and to prove that I deserved to be on that stage, right down to looking absolutely perfect in my costume, so I put everything into the play, I would practice for hours, and when I wasn't practicing I was running for ten miles a day on less than 800 calories. When the play came along I could barely remember my lines I was so foggy, and before the second act I had faceplanted on the stage. Needless to say everybody hated me, I mean at this school we don't get a lot of moments to shine, most people think the majority of us will end up in jail or dead, so maybe I just wanted to prove to everyone that I, that all of us could be something more. But instead I just ruined it for everyone. It's my biggest regret."

She's started to cry by the end of her story, and he says nothing as he gets up to hand her a box of Kleenex. He didn't think any of them would get so personal with it, he thought maybe they'd talk about stealing money from their mom's purse or something.

"That's… that's good, I really appreciate your honesty Marley," he says with a warm smile. "Okay," he continues "In your mind your actions ruined everything, what happened after that?"

"What do you mean?" Marley says, pulling herself together.

"I mean did the drama program at this school shut down forever?"

"No," Marley answers, not sure what he's getting at.

"I wasn't here when that happened but I'll bet that tickets had to be refunded that first night, then maybe an understudy took your place for the remaining nights."

"Um, yeah, that's pretty much what happened," Marley says.

"What about you?" Finn continues. "I mean clearly you're still here, and you haven't done any passing out since you've been here, so there must have been something that that experience taught you that kept it from happening again, right?"

"My mom, she sent me to a shrink," Marley admits. "I didn't want to go at first, we couldn't really afford it, and also thought the only people who went to therapists were crazy people, no offense."

"None taken," Finn says with a chuckle

"But I went, and in spite of everything it helped, I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about what led me to do what I did."

"Have you tried out for any other plays since then?" Finn asks.

"No," Marley says quietly.

"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea," Finn says. "History isn't always about failure, a lot of times it's about redemption, second chances."

"What about the people who don't get second chances?" Marley says.

"As long as the Earth is still spinning there can always be a second chance, if not for you than for the people who follow in your footsteps. Slavery happened in America, we can't pretend that it didn't, but the purpose of history, of studying those dark moments in our past is to make sure that they don't become our future."

Marley nods at his statement, and a small half smile reaches her lips.

"Who's next?" Finn continues.

Only about half of the class comes forward with stories, some of them more painful then others, and by the time class is over Finn at least has his mind off of everything going on for awhile, until of course the inevitable question comes up.

"So what about you?" Kitty speaks up. "What's the bit of history you never want repeated? Does it have something to do with why you've been such a zombie in class lately?"

_It's only fair,_ he thinks to himself.

"Well, you all know that I spent some time in a psychiatric hospital right?" Finn starts hesitantly. "What you don't know is that I was in the hospital because I… I tried to kill myself," he admits, and by the look on his students faces he can tell that was the last thing they were expecting. "It was almost eight years ago, I had stopped taking my medication for my bipolar disorder and I took a swing at my stepdad in the middle of an argument. My family started to avoid me and I got so depressed that I couldn't see any other way out, so I cut my wrists," at that he pulls up the sleeve of his shirt and shows his wrist. "It was a dark time in my past that I had to learn from, and right now somebody that I love very much is going through a dark time of her own. And a lot of that has to do with me."

"Her, you mean the lady in your picture right?" Ryder says.

Finn simply nods. "Look, I'm sorry that I haven't been myself lately—

"Hey that's okay, yourself is like five different guys so it's cool," Jake jokes.

"But," Finn continues. "I promise that I'm not going to let history repeat itself, not for me, or her or any of you guys, okay?"

"Gotcha Mr. Hudson," Kitty says with a warm smile.

"And with that it's time for an assignment," Finn continues, getting a groan from the whole class. "Come on it's not that bad," Finn assures them. "By Friday I want you to take a dark moment in American history and apply it to something from your own life, take a lesson from that moment in the past, how it happened and how they overcame it, it could be anything, from any time, I just think it's about time you all started seeing the relevance in our country's past."

"What about those of us who don't feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff?" Ryder says.

"Then you can talk about someone you know, you don't have to use names and I won't automatically think you're just talking about yourself. If that doesn't work for you you can use a current event. Now your papers should be at least 1000 words but I'll take liberties if you feel like you've said all that you need to say with less, I don't want a bunch of extra pronouns taking up space. Is everyone cool with that?"

"Yeah, that sounds cool Mr. Hudson," Marley agrees.

"Okay now get out of here," he says as the bell rings.

* * *

He wishes that he could just go home now and consider it a successful day but the hearing is at 12, he has to get a sub to take over his remaining classes for the day, he simply can't not be there for Rachel on her first day. She's taking the stand and he knows she wants him there, even though he's not taking the stand himself just yet.

He sees her pacing the floor, and he can hear the clacking of her heels on the marble. She looks perfectly put together in her navy blue blazer and pencil skirt, her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail, it's not her though, she likes stripes or plaid or sometimes even polka dots, and short dresses or skirts in bright colors or occasionally a sweater with an animal on it when it gets cold, but Kurt picked out the suit, letting her know that prim and professional was the way to go.

"Hey," he says, rushing up to her, greeting her with a chaste kiss.

"Where have you been?" she says frantically. And he can't help but notice how anxious she looks, her whole body is shaking, and her voice is unsteady, but he suppose that's to be expected.

"I'm sorry, I got here as fast as I could."

"They're going to call me in any minute," she says, her voice still shaking. "Sue says they're going to ask me things about my past, I don't want them to, I don't want to talk about that stuff Finn."

"Rachel, it's okay, they're just looking for honesty, you're the most honest person I know, you can do this."

"Rachel Berry?" A woman calls from the door, "They're ready for you."

* * *

She tries to remain still on the stand, Sue talks first, and she's gentler and calmer than he remembers her the first time they met, she asks all of the easy questions about what happened that day, about how she felt, it only gets hard once Sue asks the first question he knows she was dreading.

"If you could go back what would you do differently Ms. Berry?"

"I-I'm not sure if I know how to answer that," Rachel says, stammering, and Finn looks at the face of the judge, it's hard to read but he doesn't think that he's on anyone's side at this point.

"Come on, I know you've thought about it, we've discussed this, it's alright, just tell me what you would do differently." Finn follows Rachel's gaze and he sees that she looks at Brody for a split second.

"I wouldn't have went up there," Rachel admits, "I wouldn't have auditioned."

"Really, you would have forgone the greatest opportunity of your life? Why, you couldn't have known what was going to happen."

"But I did," Rachel continues. "I knew, I saw in his eyes, the way he looked at me, it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel… wrong."

"Wrong how?" Sue continues.

"Like he wanted something from me, something that I couldn't give him."

"Like sex maybe?"

"Objection your honor she's leading the witness," Brody's lawyer interjects, he's younger than Sue with a cold demeanor visible even behind his caring, concerned façade."

"I'll rephrase," Sue says before the judge can interfere. "What do you feel like Brody wanted from you Ms. Berry?"

"Control," Rachel says, her voice breaking. "It's like he was trying to intimidate me in any way he could."

"Why do you believe that he was trying to intimidate you?"

She looks at Brody again, and Finn wishes he could see his face.

"Because he could," Rachel says simply. "And I think he wanted to challenge me, to see how much I could take, but he shouldn't have done it that way, it wasn't right, it wasn't professional and he should have stopped when I told him to."

"So you're saying you understand why Mr. Weston did what he did to you?"

"I understand his methods," Rachel admits. He knows what she's doing, it's a tactic that Sue showed her, by empathizing with the plaintiff she shows that she was thinking clearly at the time, he just hopes the judge goes for it. "I understood but that doesn't excuse it. Acting is an art form that can take you to places that people aren't meant to go, dark places, when Brody Weston felt that it was okay to touch me inappropriately for the sake of his art, he disregarded any rules that were laid out for him beforehand, why was it okay for him to take liberties like that but not me?"

"So you're saying you were acting when you hit Mr. Weston with the phone, playing along so to speak."

"I'm saying that I broke the rules," Rachel says. "I broke the rules just like Mr. Weston did , the difference is I didn't press charges, but I'm thinking now perhaps I should have."

_That's my girl_, Finn thinks silently to himself.

"No further questions your honor," Sue says, satisfaction in her voice.

"Your Honor I'd like to cross examine the witness," Mr. Clarington says, getting up from his seat.

"Ms. Berry, so what you're saying is that you were wrong to attack Mr. Weston correct, but no more wrong than he was?"

"I suppose so," Rachel says.

"Yes or no?" he says firmly.

"Yes," Rachel replies. "That's not to mention the fact that I was provoked."

"Well the last time I checked there is no physical evidence of any wrongdoing on Mr. Weston's part, he on the other hand has a nice little scar on his temple that may very well be there for life."

"There are physical scars as well as mental scars Mr. Clarington," Rachel responds, her confidence mounting.

"Mental scars, isn't that a little extreme?" Mr. Clarington says.

"Unless you think that sexual molestation and harassment is an action that can be taken lightly."

"Not at all, but in terms of acting I think I can safely say there are a different set of rules, an actor can perform certain sexual activities with an actress for the sake of a scene, kissing, touching, sometimes even touching of private areas, but that same actress can't shoot the actor in the face."

"Objection your honor," Sue cries.

"Sustained. Mr. Clarington the defendant did not shoot Mr. Clarington in the face," The judge reminds him.

"My apologies, no you didn't shoot him in the face but you did however inflict an injury that could have killed him under even slightly different circumstances."

"I think you know it was in no way my intention to kill Mr. Weston, and yes I realize that certain sexual activity can take place between two actors, but I think we can both agree that both actors must consent beforehand. I didn't consent to Mr. Weston placing his hands on my private area nor did I consent to him continuing to do so after I had protested several times, using his real name I might add."

"So you had a snap reaction?"

"Correct," Rachel said.

"One you believe anyone could have had in the same circumstances?"

"I don't understand what you mean," Rachel says.

"I mean tell me about March 14th 2011."

The hairs stand up on the back of Finn's neck the second he says it, he knew it was coming, they all knew, still it didn' ut make it any less painful.

"Go on Rachel," He continues.

"Objection, relevance," Sue argues.

"Overruled, answer the question Ms. Berry."

She looks at Finn for a split second, her eyes wide, tears glistening in them already just at the thought of it. He wishes more than anything for this to just be over, so he can take her home and rub her shoulders and just forget all of this, but it's not over and there's nothing he can do to protect her right now.

"I-I was attacked, in my home," Rachel says. "Three men broke into my home late at night and attacked my dads, and they pulled me out of bed and they took the three of us at knife point and…

"What happened Rachel?" Mr. Clarington presses on, he knows exactly what he's doing, he's trying to get her to snap, maybe become someone else, prove that what she did to Brody were the actions of a lunatic.

"They raped me," she says, under her breath. "All of them, one after the other while they held my dads back and made them watch."

A tear rolls down his own cheek as she recalls the story. He always knew on some level what they had done, that it had went beyond just touching, but he never asked, he never would. She couldn't allow herself to remember just how bad it was, it's why it took so long to face the fact that they had killed her fathers.

"Then they killed my dads, they killed them with their knives and they cut my throat and left me for dead, but I didn't die, I survived somehow," she's still crying but she isn't sobbing, her voice is clear and steady, and she's not becoming someone else, she's not slipping away, Hunter Clarington's plan is failing, instead of making her look crazy he's making himself look like a total insensitive asshole.

"So, you're saying that after that you were no more inclined to attack Mr. Weston for what you term inappropriate touching than anyone else," Mr. Clarington says, his voice losing it's confident edge.

"It was a long time ago Mr. Clarington," Rachel says. "It still hurts but it's in my past."

"No further questions your honor."

* * *

It seems to take forever for them to get home, she's utterly quiet throughout all of it, she's quiet as they walk hand in hand out of the courthouse, quiet on the cab ride home, quiet on the elevator, it isn't until she finally gets inside that it finally happens, that she finally explodes. Screaming in agony as she hurls Esmeralda against the wall.

"Rachel," he says trying to get a steady hold on her, but she can barely hear him over her screaming and she can barely stay still.

"Im not okay I'm not okay I'm not okay," She repeats as they sink to the floor, she rocks back and forth as he holds her and strokes her overheated head. "I'm not okay."

"You are," Finn whispers soothingly, his lips against her ear. "You're going to be just fine you did so good up there baby."

"I'm sorry," she says brokenly. "I'm so sorry you had to hear it like that, I didn't want you to know, I never wanted you to know that you weren't my first, I didn't even want to know that Finn."

"Rachel listen to me okay," he says, getting her to look at him. "What those men did, I could never blame you for that, ever. You didn't tell me because you couldn't, I know that, I understand."

"I had to tell them Finn."

"It doesn't matter," he says. "None of that matters now."

"I had to tell them, I had to pretend like it didn't hurt me anymore, I had to pretend because I have to stay here, with you. I can't go to jail and I can't go to the hospital again, this time it might be for life and I can't, I can't have a baby in a hospital Finn, I just can't."

He thinks he misheard her at first, but he couldn't have, she said it loud and clear, like she needed him to know.

"What did you say?" Finn asks, his voice shaky.

"I found out this morning," she says, her voice even shakier, "I don't think there's ever going to be a right time to tell you, so I'm telling you now, and I'm so sorry Finn I know that this is the last thing either of us need right now, and we were so careful before but I guess I've been so stressed out that I missed my pill once or twice and I didn't think anything would happen but it did and…"

"Rachel please just… just tell me." He says, trying not to sound as panicked as he feels. But the panic increases as she takes his big hand in hers and presses it to her stomach.

"There's a baby inside of me Finn," she whispers softly, and everything stops.

**Stay tuned folks!**


	11. Levity and Leverage

**Sorry this chapter's on the shorter side, but it's my fastest update in awhile so I hope that makes up for it.**

She slept for hours, and he didn't, because he couldn't, but he laid beside her, a firm hand on her stomach, trying to feel something there, trying to feel some sort of connection and feeling nothing but dread. They didn't speak at all after her confession, she retired to the room before either of them could get any more words out, and he followed close behind, not even sure if she would let him join her, not sure if she'd want to be touched. She allowed it but she still didn't look at him or speak to him at all.

She's awake now but still silent aside from the occasional light sniffle. He looks up at her every time he hears it as she cleans the potting soil and shards of painted clay from the floor. He knows that he should say something, anything, but he doesn't have the foggiest idea what to say. He still can't even think straight enough to form words, so instead he helps her transfer Esmeralda into one of his tea mugs for the time being, it seems like a good enough use of his time for now.

"Do you think she'll grow her petals back?" Rachel says in a small voice, the first words she's spoken in hours.

"Give her some water and TLC she'll be good as new," Finn says in as encouraging a voice as he can muster. At that he looks up at her again as she subtly swipes away a stray tear.

"What are we going to do Rachel?" he finally says, and she looks at him with wide eyes, clearly no more sure than he is.

"I don't know," she says thickly. "I don't know if I can deal with a doctor taking it out of me, I just, I think about that and I can't stomach it."

He nods softly in understanding.

"There's adoption," she continues with a shrug.

He hesitates before speaking, as always he can read her better than anyone, and he knows exactly what she's feeling right now.

"Is that really what you want though?" he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

She shakes her head reluctantly. "I want to keep it," she says sadly, her hand reaching her stomach, and he nods again.

"I wish I knew how to fix this," Finn says, his own voice breaking. "How to fix us, because all I've ever wanted was to have a family with you Rachel… But, I'm so scared with everything going on, and with everything that's been going on for years before all of this stuff with the trial. I don't know if we can do this Rach."

"I know why you're scared," she says, scooting up to him, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'm scared too, and if this wouldn't have happened, then I would have accepted the idea that we could never be parents but… it did happen, I mean that must mean something right?"

"I think it means we made a mistake," Finn says, his voice a bit strangled. He doesn't mean to say it, but he can't deny it's what he's thinking because this can't happen, not now, not ever if he was being realistic. Instead of his mind picturing a beautiful baby boy or girl, with his freckles and Rachel's eyes and their love of music completing their happy family, he pictures himself curled up in the fetal position, tears in his eyes, not knowing what the hell to do about his baby screaming for daddy, he pictures Rachel pregnant and off her meds, falling to pieces over nothing at all, with him unable to do a damn thing about it, he pictures himself yelling at his kid at the slightest annoyance. He doesn't want to be that man, he doesn't want to be the kind of father who screws up his kids, or hurts them or makes them feel anything but loved and protected.

"A mistake," Rachel repeats, her voice free of emotion. "I see."

"Rachel," he sighs. "I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that… I don't know what I meant but I know I didn't mean to upset you, I didn't."

"I know," she says.

He looks at her face, so sad, and he knows how much she wants this, how much she always has really, it's the one thing she's never allowed herself to really hope for, yet she hoped anyway, and now it's real, and she can't even be happy about it.

"Finn, I…" she trails off, and her face crumples, she can't hold it in anymore.

"Shh, it's okay," he says, gathering her into his arms, pulling her into his lap. "We'll figure this out okay?"

"How?" she says, her voice muffled. "You don't want a baby Finn, I can't change that, I can't change anything, I can't change the fact that Brody Weston wants me behind bars, I can't change the fact that I'll probably never sing on a Broadway stage and I can't change the fact that you don't want our baby, I can't change _me_."

"I don't want to change you Rachel, I love you. I just… I want to change the past, I want to stop you from ever getting hurt, and… and I want to change me, I want to be a father, I want our baby more than anything else in the world, I just don't want to be the monster who ends up hurting our kid Rachel."  
He's crying now too, and as she looks at him he sees the disbelief on her face.

"You would never hurt our child Finn," she says, wiping the tears away from his cheeks. "Just like I know that you would never hurt me, just like I know you would never hurt your students."

"They're different," Finn replies. "They're not my kids, they're stuck with me for a year and they get to move on no worse for the wear, if I feel like freaking out one day I can call for a substitute, there are no substitute dads Rachel."

"I'm not different," she says quietly, her chin on his shoulder. "I'm with you always."

"Because you chose me," Finn says. "I still don't know why, I still don't know why you'd want to be with someone who terrifies you half the time… but I'm glad you did."

"I'd always choose you," she says, hugging him tighter around the neck.

"I'd choose you too," he replies.

"But not this?" she continues, parting from him, placing her hand on her stomach again. He looks down at where her hand is. There's nothing there yet, just another reason why none of this feels quite real.

"Rach I…"

"Oh my god," they turn their heads to the sound of Kurt's voice, they didn't even hear him come in, but now he's looking at them with the face of someone who's been in this position so many times before.

"What the hell happened this time?"

"Nothing, we're fine," Finn says, quickly sweeping the rest of the dirt in the dustpan and standing up. She stands up too, remaining quiet, it's obvious he's not ready to say anything yet, so she doesn't.  
"How was court today?" Kurt asks, his voice sympathetic, Rachel still doesn't answer, clearly some things she's not ready to talk about either.

"You don't want to talk about it?" Kurt asks, and she shakes her head. "Okay, get changed, like right now," Kurt says, exasperated.

"Why?" Rachel and Finn finally say, simultaneously.

"Because we're going out," Kurt says. "Blaine is at Callbacks and I was going to meet him there alone but you two clearly need some levity so you're coming with."

"Kurt I really don't feel like."  
"Get dressed," Kurt demands, interrupting Finn. "Now."

He can tell she's avoiding him, instead of sitting next to him and Kurt at the bar she's with Blaine across the room, watching a girl with a black Beret atop her red hair sing her heart out. He glances over at her continuously while ignoring Kurt, clearly to his annoyance.

"Okay Finn..." Kurt finally says. Callbacks was always Finn and Rachel's favorite Karaoke bar, it was the only one in New York where he could hear himself think, the piano was a nice alternative to a Karaoke machine, but now he almost wishes for everything to be drowned out so he wouldn't have to participate in the conversation he knew was coming. "I know you and Rachel are going through a hard time but do you really have to be so mopey? Didn't Rachel's lawyer say that she has a good shot?"

"It's not that," Finn says, rubbing his forehead in frustration. "Well, not _only_ that."

"Great, there's more," Kurt says sarcastically. Finn knows that Kurt cares more than he's letting on, but he's never liked to enable Finn's misery, especially since so much of it was more chemical than incidental, feigning insensitivity was more a force of habit than anything. "Finn you know I love you but—

"Rachel's pregnant," Finn blurts, not able to hold the words in any longer. And Kurt's eyes go wide at the admission.

"But, how?" Kurt says. "Rachel's on the pill I thought you were being careful?"

"We _were_ being careful, but this whole business with the trial has gotten Rachel so stressed out I guess she missed a day or two and… It just happened."

"What are you going to do?" Kurt says, his voice soft. "I mean are you… I mean is she going to get…"

"An abortion?" Finn says, finishing Kurt's sentence, not immediately noticing the way he cringes a little at the word. "No, she would never be able to go through with that, and I don't want her to have to but…"

"But what?" Kurt says, urging Finn on.

"I can't take care of a baby Kurt, I can barely take care of myself." He admits.

"Finn," Kurt sighs. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"Doing what?"

"Letting your problems define you," Kurt explains. "It's like you went through so much and accomplished so much to become the person you are now, this happy well-adjusted person that people look up to, but in your mind you're still that damaged 17 year old who cut his wrists."

"Well aren't I?" Finn says a bit snappishly. "My issues aren't gone, I've just learned how to live with them."

"Yes, and that's great," Kurt says.

"But what if I can't do that with a kid?" Finn replies. "You have no idea what it's like in here," he continues, pointing to his temple. "It's so hard sometimes to keep it under control, and there's so much pressure involved in being a father even for a normal person and..."

"And what?" Kurt says, urging him on.

"It's hereditary Kurt," Finn says. "What if my kid has it too? I know what my mom went through when I tried to kill myself and I don't ever want to go through something like that."

"So you think it would be better if you had never been born Finn?" Kurt says in disbelief. "You realize that's the exact kind of thinking that made you want to hurt yourself in the first place, right?"

"I guess we just didn't need this," Finn says miserably. "Especially not now. It's like everything has been so good for so long and now it's all falling apart again, and what if Rachel goes to jail huh? What the hell am I going to do without her?"

"You know Finn, I know you're worried about a lot right now, you have a reason to be, but imagine how she must feel," Kurt says, glancing at Rachel, who still looks like she wants to be anywhere else right now. "Imagine being pregnant and facing the possibility of facing years in the hospital or jail, she's probably terrified, so what you need to do right now is swallow whatever apprehension you're feeling and go be there for her."

"I really don't think she wants to talk to me, I think the only reason she decided to come was so she wouldn't have to be alone with me, she knows I wouldn't have left her by herself."

"Finn, just try, be a man." Kurt says firmly. He knows that Kurt is right, Rachel needs him right now, even if she doesn't want him, and why would she after he basically called their baby a mistake? Still he gets up anyway and walks up to her slowly, there's a couple on the stage now singing Little Talks, and he knows she loves this song, it was the first one they sang together at Callbacks.

"Hey," he says softly, getting her to look up at him.

"Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence," Blaine says playfully. "Did the boyfriend get you out of your funk? Maybe he can take a crack at the little one next, she's been on mute the whole night."

"Yeah, I know we've been kind of downers today," Finn says.

"Don't worry about it," Blaine says, taking a sip of his drink. "I know things have been hard, I just hope the music and ambiance will get your minds off of things for at least a little while."

"Speaking of the music, Rachel, will you dance with me?" Finn says with a small smile, extending his hand, and he's a bit relieved when she takes it and stands up to join him on the small dance floor. She still looks sad as she wraps her arms around his neck and he wraps his around her waist.

_...the stairs creak as you sleep it's keeping me awake_

_It's the house telling you to close your eyes_

_Some days I can't even trust myself_

_It's killing me to see you this way_

_Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore._

"I'm sorry," he whispers softly into her ear. "I should have reacted better when you told me."

"How were you supposed to react Finn?" she says, shrugging.

"Happy, like you're the woman I love more than anything and you're having a baby, and you're scared, and I should say or do anything to make you not be."

"But you're _not_ happy Finn," she says. "I know you, you can't lie to me about something like that without me knowing."

"It's not a lie," he says pulling her closer. "I mean, I'm scared, I'm scared of a lot of things but…"

"Finn, stop," she says, pressing her finger to his lips, quieting him. "You're not happy."

"But I want to be," he says honestly. "I will be, I swear, I just need time to process, can you give me that?"

She nods a little, and forces a smile.

"And I promise I'll do whatever you want to do, and I'll support you and be there for you… for both of you, no matter what happens, okay."

"Okay," she says with a smile, her eyes glistening, and she lays her head on his chest then as they sway to the music together.

* * *

He holds her hand in his as they wait in the office, neither of them got much sleep the night before, both worried about what Sue will say, what this baby will mean for the trial. He knows that Rachel can't take her meds when she's pregnant, but if she knew she was pregnant the first day she took the stand then she must not have been on them then, yet she was perfect, after all of these years he should have known better than to underestimate her acting skills, still the next few months were bound to be tricky, no matter what the outcome of the trial was.

"Sue Sylvester is ready to see you now," the same clerk from the first day says to them, so both breath deeply as they approach Sue's office.

"So," Sue says, as they sit down. "I hear someone got themselves knocked up."

They trade swift glances before looking at Sue again. "How did you know?" Finn says.

"I called before we came, I thought it would be easier," Rachel explains.

"Well I have to say, I wouldn't have even considered it but if this is a strategy then it's a good one." Sue says.

"Wait, what?" Rachel says in disbelief. "Are you saying a baby will help us?"

"You bet your sweet ass it will," she replies. "The courts are notoriously soft on expectant mothers. They tend to like to avoid the ugly business of having babies born behind bars, it's not exactly a good look."

"She's right," Finn says. "I mean it's happened before." The truth is he didn't really consider that it could help, maybe because he found it strange to think of a human life as some kind of leverage, but then again he wasn't a lawyer.

"This wasn't intentional," Rachel says. "I mean it's wonderful, but we didn't plan this."

"Either way, I think you can rest a little easier," Sue says, "Besides. I'm pretty sure the judge and jury are already on your side, that was a good job you did in court yesterday."

"She was amazing," Finn agrees, squeezing her hand.

"Yes, but there's still the business of your key witness," Sue says, turning her attention to Finn. And he swallows hard, feeling small under her cold stare.

"Look, I know you guys are worried that I'm going to fly off the handle or something."

"Should we be?" Sue says.

Finn sighs a little as Sue and Rachel both stare at him in anticipation.

"The truth is, I can't look at Brody Weston for a second without wanting to strangle the bastard, but I would never do anything to jeopardize Rachel's chances. I know my history and I know how these things work. I'll do whatever you want me to do, I'll say whatever you want me to say on that stand if it will end this once and for all."

"Good," Sue says after a few silent moments. "Let's get you ready for that stand."

He's going to have to be ready, he's going to have to be ready for a lot of things.

**Stay Tuned Folks!**


	12. Nothing But The Truth

**About three chapters to go! And sorry this chapter is light on the finchel interaction, but the last three will have plenty of it.**

PTSA meetings are always the worst, especially now when he can't keep his focus on one thing for more than 5 seconds. It's the first year he's had to attend every week, no longer being a sub and all, and the other parents and teachers appear to be fond enough of him. Puckerman's mom is probably the worst of them, one of those fiercely protective types who always comes equipped with a laundry list of questions and concerns, the first meeting they argued for nearly an hour about whether a former hospitalized youth had any business teaching a class. But he supposes she's better than the parents who just don't give a shit, which is most of them to be perfectly honest. He guesses if there's one thing to take away from tonight's meeting it's the fact that a few years down the line he'll be attending as both teacher and parent. It's the first meeting since he's heard the news and he still can't fully believe it. The idea of being a dad has always felt so abstract to him. But it's not really an idea anymore is it?

He's spent the majority of the meeting half listening like always, but the parent's Q and A is up and, knowing what he knows about Rachel, about his future, he can't half listen anymore, it'll be him in this position one day after all.

"And we'll be taking our first question at this time," Principal Beiste announces. "Yes, to the tattooed gentleman in back."

"Puckerman, Noah Puckerman," a deep voice from behind replies. _Puckerman?_ Finn thinks to himself, a relative of Jake's clearly, he's only met three Puckermans in his life, Jake, Jake's mom, and…

No fucking way.

He turns his head to look at him, his brow furrowed, and plain as day, it's him. He looks older, as is to be expected, and he's sporting a five o'clock shadow and a sleeve of tattoos down either arm, and his Mohawk has been traded in for a buzz cut, but it couldn't be anyone but Noah Puckerman. He knows that it's a small world but this is ridiculous. He smiles at the sight of his old friend. After moving to New York he pretty much completely lost touch with Noah Puckerman, but like all of the troubled kids he met back then during his time in the hospital, he thought about him every now and then, and now here he was, at a goddamn PTSA meeting.

"Yeah, my little bro's mom is sick so she sent me in her place." Puck explains. "We both want to know what the deal is with the history textbooks, that shit is so outdated they may as well have been written by Thomas Jefferson himself… that's a history right guy right, Thomas Jefferson?"

"Yes it is," Finn says, standing up to face Puck, and the look on his old friend's face at that point, he had a feeling he'd ask a question about history, because Jake's mom always had a question about history. "And I've written the board about this several times myself, some of the facts in our history textbooks have either been proven to be lacking context or debunked entirely since their publication in 1972."

"And as we told you before," Beiste answers. "Nobody would love to see new textbooks more than me, but at this time we simply can't afford it."

"But you can afford to hire this crazy asshole?" Puck says, a smirk on his face. "What are you going to do when he ends up burning the place down?"

"Hey, that's your thing Puckerman," Finn teases back. And it's not another moment before the two cross the room to embrace each other for the first time in years.

* * *

Puck suggests a bar, but Finn has never done well with bars, too much noise, and he's not allowed to drink anyway, Puck asks him how a guy who hates loud noises so much can stand to live in New York City and teach a bunch of out of control kids.

"Just because I can handle the noise doesn't mean I want to in my off hours," Finn explains. So they go to Puckerman's place.

"Home sweet home," Puck says upon entering the small house. It's not what Finn expected, he expected a run down studio with beer cans strewn about and posters of half-clad ladies tacked up on the walls, but it's warm and homey if a little small, and… it that a Barbie on the floor?

"Daddy!" Finn has to do a double take at the sight of the little girl who runs energetically into the room as they enter the house. _Daddy?_ He thinks to himself, the same guy who used to burn down abandoned buildings for kicks? She's about four or five, with bright blonde curls, hazel eyes and a round cherub face, and she's his, there's no one else she could belong to, from the oversized Led Zeppelin T-shirt to the eyes, a spitting image of her dad's eyes, she's absolutely his. But who's else's he wonders.

"You had a kid?" Finn asks, incredulous.

"I know right? Make sure not to let her breath on you," Puck says, and he notices the way her cough rattles a bit. "I told you a bar would be better."

"No, it's okay, I never get sick." Finn says, trading stares with the little girl who looks at him with some sort of fascination, but he supposes that's just how kids are. "This is fine."

"Who's this daddy?" She asks.

"Um, I'm Finn," Finn says nervously. "Me and your daddy used to be friends," he explains.

"Used to be?" she asks. "So you're not anymore?"

"Of course we are kiddo," Puck says reassuringly, setting the girl down. "We just haven't seen each other in awhile."

"Hi Finn," She says in a sweet, shy voice, extending her hand out for him to shake. Without words he kneels down to be at eye level with her, and takes the girls hand, warm and soft and small. "I'm Beth."

"What the hell is he doing here?" He barely notices the familiar if a bit scratchy voice in the room now, but he looks up to see her, the tall, pretty, perpetually pissed off looking mother of Jake Puckerman. "Is this about Jake?"

"No," Finn assures her, standing up to face her. "Jake's fine. I didn't even know you'd be here, honest."

"Noah, what is he doing here?" She asks again. Her voice like gravel, not hard to see where she got the cold from.

"Me and Finn used to know each other, back in Ohio, I mean I know you told me that Jake's teacher used to be in a crazy house but I guess I just never put two and two together."

"Well he shouldn't be here," She says, a bit of edge in her stratchy voice. "He'll get sick." And he can tell by her face that that's not exactly what she's concerned about.

"I work in a public school," Finn explains. "I'll be fine I promise." She doesn't look convinced, but she drops the stern look either way.

"Okay then, Beth, why don't you come to bed it's getting late," she says.

"Auntie Nessa can I please stay up a little longer? daddy just got back."

"Please auntie Nessa," Puck says teasingly.

"Fine, you're the boss," she says flippantly, and retires back to the room.

"So I don't get it, do you all live here… together?" Along the way Puck told him all about Vanessa and Jake, the hot waitress his dad cheated on his mom with years ago and the illegitimate product of their infidelity, and he knew that upon finding out he had a brother in New York Puck opted to finally leave Ohio and move closer to him, but the kid was definitely a surprise, how did that even work?

"No, Jake and Vanessa live next door," Puck explains. "I live here with Beth, and Quinn lives in the village but she's here all the time—

"Wait, back up, Quinn? Quinn from…"

"Yep, let's just say we kept in touch after the hospital, we were only together for a couple of weeks but I guess that's all it took."

"So, you're married now?" Finn asks, still not believing what he's hearing.

"Married? We're not even dating," Puck says. "But as long as we have Beth we'll always be a part of each other's lives, she's pretty much my best friend, she's the one who dragged my sorry ass home from the bar all those nights when I still didn't have my shit together. I'm the one who forced her to eat when she got pregnant, we kind of took care of each other I guess. It didn't take much convincing to get her to come to New York with me, I guess she was just as tired of that cow town as I was, she has a job at a gallery, she's in grad school at NYU, she's doing great actually."

"So you're not together?" Finn asks, incredulous. "How does that work?"

"It's because we're not together that it _does_ work," Puck says. "We love each other, just not in that kind of way you know? We have nothing in common except for Beth."

At his words he looks down at Beth again and realizes that he's still holding her hand, and she's smiling up at him. And he smiles back down at her.

"Hi," she says sweetly, a giggle in her voice.

"Hi," he answers back, his voice a little faraway, and it's hard to look at her without imagining what his own little boy or girl will look like one of these days, if they're even half as beautiful as the girl smiling up at him they'll have it easy, at least in one aspect of their life.

"Do you want to play barbies with me?" she says.

"Yeah," Finn says after a moment's hesitation, getting a surprised and slightly amused look out of Puck. "Yeah I do."

He can tell that this wasn't what Puck had in mind when he suggested catching up, but he's clearly used to it. Finn still hasn't brought up the fact that Rachel is pregnant, or Rachel at all for that matter, he knew that they went to New York together and when asked he confirmed that they were still together and that she was fine, but not much else, he didn't even know where to start with what was going on with Rachel. So instead he plays Barbies with Beth, and before long he finds himself enjoying it, not the dolls of course, but the girl. He doesn't spend much time around kids under 13, to tell the truth he's a little afraid of them, but Beth isn't so bad.

"Stacey, do you want to go to The Guns and Roses concert with me?" Beth says, moving the doll side to side as she makes her talk, because for some reason that was always the way dolls communicated with each other, if someone were to really vigorously move their body from side to side while talking they would be locked up faster than he was at 17.

"Um… I'd love to go to the concert with you Barbie," Finn says hesitantly in a squeaky girl voice, they've been at this for a half and hour and he's getting more and more comfortable with it. "But the Justin Bieber concert is the same night, I have front row seats and I just bought a fresh carton of eggs, what should I do?"

"How about we go to the Justin Bieber concert, throw the eggs and once we get thrown out we can get to the Guns and Roses concert before the opening act finishes?" Puck suggests in his normal voice, he's GI Joe after all, even as a dad to a five year old he refuses to play with a girl doll.

"Wow Joe, you're smart," Beth says.

"Yay! Guns and Roses," Finn says, positioning the dolls hands in the air and tossing her hair from side to side. "I'm going to go get my bandana."

"You're funny Finn," Beth giggles, breaking character. And he can't help but smile at that, she thinks he's funny, it's a start. "How do you know my daddy?"

He's not sure how to answer the question, but Puck chimes in before he starts.

"Me and Finn met in the hospital when daddy was a teenager," Puck says, going with the truth.

"When you used to burn things?" she asks, and he's surprised that she knows about things like that at such a young age, but he supposes if you can't be honest with your kids you can't be honest with anyone. "Did you used to burn things too Finn?"

"Uh, no, not exactly," Finn stammers. "I was really sad one day so they sent me there so I could be happy again," he explains in the most kid friendly way he can muster.

"Oh," she says, understanding. "Did it work, are you happy again?"

He doesn't answer right away, he looks at Puck and he gives him a warm look of encouragement. "Yeah, I am." He says, it's the truth, he is happy, at least for the most part.

"You seem happy," she says.

"Really?" Finn replies, surprised, he knows he hasn't seemed happy in awhile, not since what happened with Rachel.

"Yeah, you're nice, and happy people are always nice," she deduces with her five year old logic. She thinks he's funny _and _nice, and it fills him with a strange sense of pride, but soon he goes from proud to a little concerned when she dissolves into another coughing fit.

"Okay munchkin," Puck says, "Time for bed," and she pouts as he picks her up.

"Wait," she says wriggling out of his grasp. "I want to say goodnight to Finn." So she does, and as she throws her thin arms around his neck he hesitates a little before hugging her back. It's nice here, in the skinny arms of a five year old sweetheart in a baggy Zeppelin T-shirt. It's hard to be angry when he's here.

"It was very nice to meet you Finn," She says as she hugs him.

"You too," he says quietly, and he notices the way his voice cracks a little. He doesn't understand why, but he can tell that Puck notices too. "Goodnight Beth."

* * *

He's still quiet as Puck sips his beer across the table, he allows himself one a night, he informed Finn, it was all about moderation, Beth is in bed and Vanessa has gone home, it's just him and Puck and Finn knows what's coming.

"So," Puck starts. "Are you going to tell me what's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" Finn says, even though he knows exactly what he means.

"I mean am I going to have to worry about you kidnapping my kid?" he jokes.

"No, I mean she's great, she's a great kid, congratulations man."

"Great? You don't get all misty like that over great, what's going on dude? Tell me the truth."

"I just…" He hesitates, it's still hard to talk about this, because of everything else happening at once, but he just can't not say it. "Rachel is pregnant."

"Your Rachel?" Puck says, his eyes wide. "Batshit Rachel who thinks she's Barbra Streisand, that Rachel?"

"She doesn't think she's Barbra Streisand," Finn says defensively. "At least not anymore."

"Well congratulations buddy, that's awesome," Puck says, seeming to mean it.

"You think so?"

"Of course," Puck replies. "You two are about the most well adjusted psychos I know… but I'm telling you now, it's not easy, you're going to need a lot of help. People like us always do, especially when there's a kid involved."

"I know," Finn admits.

"But nobody is going to love that baby more than you two," Puck says.

"Do you think it's selfish though?" Finn says. "To have a baby being so… screwed up?"

"Dude, everyone's screwed up in their own way," Puck says. "At least you take pills for it."

He's got a point, Finn thinks to himself.

He makes sure not to get home too late, he has to be in court tomorrow and Rachel always worries when he stays out too late anyway. He says his goodbyes to Puck and heads home in a cab. He can't wait to tell Rachel about Puck, he knows they were friends before Finn even knew either of them.

* * *

She tries not to worry about Finn, he promised her that he'd be good in court, and she believes that he will try with all his might to keep that promise, so she can't worry. Instead she waits on the couch for him to come home, it's almost ten, he should be home any minute now. They haven't talked much since he found out about the baby. But she believes him when he says he just needs time, she needs time too, to be honest, and she needs for everything to just be okay again like it was before. The happy home they created together was one that she could see herself raising a child in, no matter how hard it would be that child would be loved, how could she love a baby the right way when she couldn't even be with it? When she was behind bars or locked away in a hospital? She needs to be here, with Finn, and she has faith that he can only make things better for her. Surely enough he walks through the door at 9:45, and she gets up to greet him, a little more slowly and shyly than usual.

"Hi Finn," she says with a warm smile, and she notices he looks a little happier than usual, happier than he's been in awhile. "How was the meeting?"

"It was great," he beams, not what she was expecting. "You'll never guess what happened."

"Are you having a manic episode?" she asks, concerned.

"What? No, no I'm fine," he assures her, taking her hand and leading her to the couch. "I saw Noah Puckerman."

"Noah?" She says, a small smile reaching her own lips. "Really? How is he? How did that even happen?"

"He was at the meeting, his brother is one of my students," Finn explains. "He's doing great, he's got a good job working construction in the city, he's lived here for the past year."

"Oh my god, that's so great," she says excitedly. "I always wondered what happened to him."

"And guess what else?" Finn adds. "He has a kid Rachel, five years old."

"Noah has a baby?" She asks, not believing it either, but it must be true, and the idea of Puck being a father isn't really that hard to wrap her mind around when she really thinks about it.

"Him and Quinn Fabray, she lives here too, in Greenwich village, she's in college, she's been doing really great too Rach."

"Well we have to see them," she beams. "And the baby, I can't believe they have a baby."

"She's beautiful Rachel, and sweet and so smart and she knows all about what happened with her parents when they were younger, and she understands, she's five years old and she understands."

She has to pause for a moment, because she knows he's trying to say something, and she thinks she knows what he's trying to say, but surely he hasn't had the epiphany she's been hoping he'd have since telling him. "What are you saying Finn?"

And he scoots up closer to her and cups her cheek with one shaking hand. "I think maybe we can do this, I mean, if Puck and Quinn can, why not us?"

He can see the moisture beading in her eyes a little before she speaks. "Really?" she says, her voice cracking.

"I'm sorry baby," he says, taking her in his arms and kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry that I've been distant and freaked out, but I love you so much and…"

"You love our baby?" she says tearfully.

"That's the thing," Finn says. "I think I always have."

* * *

She sits so close she's almost on his lap as they get ready to call them in. He knows she's nervous, but she shouldn't be, his head is clear, and he's gone over what he wants to say with Sue, and again and again in his head. He's got this, everything is going to be okay, there's no way they're taking her away from him. She's going to stay, and they're going to have a baby together and it will be hard but they can make it work, and Rachel _will _be on Broadway, no matter what Brody Weston or Cassandra July have to say about it.

"I would like to call Finn Hudson to the stand," Sue says, getting the ball rolling, and he stands up, tall and confident.

"Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?" The bailiff says quickly and efficiently.

"I do," Finn replies.

"Finn Hudson," Sue starts as Finn takes the stand. "You are Rachel Berry's boyfriend, correct?"

"Yes, we've been together for eight years now," Finn says.

"And how did you meet?" Finn expected this, there's no reason to hide his history from the jury, if anything knowing how much he's overcome can only gain their sympathy.

"We met at a children's psychiatric facility when I was seventeen and she was almost sixteen," he says. "I was being treated for bipolar disorder."

"For which you have been seeking treatment ever since?"

"Yes I have," Finn confirms.

"So would you say you were clear of mind the day of Rachel Berry's audition?"

"I was," Finn replies. "I had taken my meds that morning, I was perfectly sound."

"Can you recall exactly what you saw that day?"

"Rachel was doing a chemistry read with Brody Weston," Finn says. "They were performing this intense scene involving a sexual assault."

"So you're saying the assault was part of the scene?" Sue asks.

"It was, the thing is, I read the scene, several times and there was nothing in it about Brody putting his hand under Rachel's skirt. She was caught by surprise."

"According to Mr. Weston the action was meant to get an authentic performance from Ms. Berry."

"First of all, Rachel is a great actress, much better than Mr. Weston himself I might add," Finn says, noticing the way Brody's jaw tightens a little at Finn's words. "Secondly, what is an authentic performance? Couldn't hitting him on the head with a phone be considered an authentic performance considering the circumstances? I mean, that wasn't in the script either."

"So you're saying Rachel was ad-libbing?"

"I'm saying she was provoked, and if there are going to be all of these rules involving what it is or isn't appropriate to do for the sake of acting, then why do they only apply to Rachel, where's the line?"

"Mr Hudson, when did you notice that Ms. Berry was uncomfortable with Mr. Weston's actions?"

"Right away," Finn says. "But I assumed she was just acting, and she may have been, but then she used his real name. She said 'Brody, stop' and I know that if I could hear her from the audience then he could hear her too, he just didn't care."

"Do you think that Rachel's illness had anything to do with her actions?"

He looks at Rachel, at the way she nods encouragingly, and he continues.

"Rachel has struggled in the past." Finn says. "But she isn't violent, she would never ever hurt anyone unless they led her there, that is what I fully believe Mr. Weston did. My girlfriend isn't crazy, she's kind and sensitive, and one of the smartest, most talented people I know. And she's only been getting better since what happened with her dads, she's not regressing, she's moving forward and I'm so unbelievably proud of the woman she's become."

He says every word with conviction, because he believes them with all of his heart, and he just hopes that Rachel does too. From the look on her face he can tell that on some level, she does.

"Okay, let's move on. Mr. Hudson, Where did you go the night of the attack?" Sue says. He knew the question was coming, asking questions that she knew the prosecutor would ask during the cross examination was one of her favorite strategies, and there was no way Hunter Clarington wouldn't ask about the night of the attack, but it wasn't him on trial after all, it couldn't hurt them that much to be honest about it.

"I went to visit Mr. Weston, to talk," Finn says.

"Did you threaten him?" Sue asks.

"I did, I hadn't taken my meds since that morning," Finn says truthfully after a moment of hesitation. "I was stressed out about the situation with Rachel, and I did verbally threaten Mr. Weston, but I had no plans to hurt him, besides, if Rachel had been the one to visit him that night, it would be a different story, but she didn't, _she_ would never do anything like that."

"Mr Hudson, what will happen if Rachel goes to jail? Just hypothetically speaking."

_I may very well pay Brody Weston another visit,_ he thinks to himself, it's not like he'll have much to lose at that point, except his kid of course, maybe he wouldn't but he'd certainly fantasize about it. But of course that's not what he says."If Rachel goes to jail you'll be condemning an innocent child to spend her first years without her mother, and Rachel Berry will be the best mother in the whole world."

"You're saying Rachel is pregnant?" Sue says, feigning surprise, she's playing the jury like a fiddle, they've definitely got this.

"It wasn't intentional," Finn says. "But it's happening, and all we want is to be just as excited and happy as any other expectant parents. We've worked so hard to get our lives together, to make our place in the world, to be the kind of people who can raise children who are happy and healthy and loved, and I think I'm there now, I just need Rachel to be there with me." He's getting choked up again, it's not a strategy, he simply can't not get choked up when Rachel's looking at him the way she is now.

"No further questions your honor," Sue says, satisfied, and he breathes and inward sigh of relief that he said everything right, but there's still the matter of the cross examination.

"Mr. Clarington, do you have any questions for Mr. Hudson?" The judge asks then. Just then the steely blonde prosecutor stands, a strangely satisfied look on his face, and says the last thing any of them are expecting.

"I have no questions your honor," He says. And Finn wonders what the hell is going on, what his angle is. But he has no choice but to step down when the judge asks him to do so. They went over what he was going to say for hours, what questions he might ask, how he might spin it, but neither of them expected this. He sits behind Rachel again, and squeezes her shoulder firmly, a kind of reassurance.

"Your Honor I'd like to call my next witness to the stand," Mr. Clarington says, and Finn knits his brow, who else was there besides Cassandra and Brody? Who were already examined in the preceding days, he supposes it's a character witness, but who?

"Would Shelby Corcoran please take the stand?" Hunter says then ,and the hairs on the back of Finn's neck stand up and Rachel gives him this scared, wide eyed look that just makes him want to hold her. And as Shelby approaches the stand, ready to speak against her own family, they both start to think that maybe they don't have this after all.

**Uh oh, what's Shelby got up her sleeve? Stay Tuned Folks!**


End file.
